Sumedha Raikar-Mhatre: When heartbreak is an emoji

The TedxBend video Do our devices divide us of American photographer Eric Picksergill went viral when it was uploaded in May this year Earlier in 2011 Alone Together Why We Expect More from Technology and Less from Each Other moaned that smartphones were diminishing peoplersquos capacity for empathy Surveys conducted by various groups accounting for the 200 million smartphone users in India cautioned against the loss of facetoface conversations in a handsetglued climate The warning bells donrsquot seem to be awakening many if the marital discord cases hinging on the relentless use of mobile phones currently pending settlement in 25 family courts across the state are any indication The desperation for virtualoverreal connections is apparentIllustrationUday MohiteA Bengalurubased husbandrsquos failure to provide WiFi facility to his 25yearold computer engineerwife resulted in a divorce petition in the family court in Pune the city where the duo had romanced and married a year ago The husband said he could not afford an unlimited wireless network at a time when he had just changed jobs and cities the wife claimed deprivation of a key survival tool for job searches in a new city Both have been counselled into staying together for a period in order to assess if their marriage can be steered away from the hot spot They have also been asked to zero in on some lowcost Internet access which may ensure marital blissSmita Joshi the Pune counsellor who awaits the couplersquos decision says the dispute is among the most remembered matrimonial conflicts in her 20 years of service While spousal discord resting on smartphones social media apps and other virtual media platforms has been her everyday fare for the last five years and has been on the rise the surprise element was a litigating wife unapologetically terming WiFi as a ldquonecessityrdquo in the line of food clothing and shelter ldquoWhile we were trying to persuade the couple about the worthlessness of technology over something as solid as marriage she told us how suicidal it was for her to remain ldquounconnectedrdquo in a job market From a purely womenrsquos empowerment perspective her petition had made a valid point that talks of the changing dynamic Joshi said the petition could not be treated moralistically but holistically ldquoWe want to save the marriage but not without acknowledging all sides of the storyrdquoSenior Counsel practising in the seven family courts in Mumbai Sajan Oommen past president of Family Court Bar Association has studied such cases in greater detail because the Maximum City offers fourfold scope for surreptitious use of smartphones near24x7 chatting on social media trappings like Facebook or applications like Whatsapp He states that nearly 90 per cent of the matrimonial cases pending settlement in the seven courts in Mumbai revolve around FB and WhatsApp exposeacutes The physical copies of the screen shots of online chats constitute a huge base of the annexed documents in several divorce or child custody petitionsOommen cited an ongoing dispute between a middle aged couple in which the wife has filed a petition for protection of her rights over the matrimonial home ldquoWhen we placed the 250 printed pages of chat messages which pertained to exchanges over only two nights the judge was bewildered by the volume More so because adolescent children of the couple had taken the screen shots of the chat to prove the extensive time their father was giving to sexually explicit chats with another womanrdquo he saysOommen says smartphonerelated cases have prompted him to take orientation lectures on mobile etiquette and family togetherness ldquoBeing an advocate for 26 years and having gone through a bagful of disputes centering on mobile phone usage I have started engaging the newlymarrieds and general public on the need for lsquodigital detoxrsquordquo His sessions mdash 20 have been conducted in the last four years mdash address issues like lsquoVirtual Time versus Family Timersquo lsquoDo you need to be online and availablersquo lsquoIs your cell phone part of your family dinnerrsquo lsquoDo you carry your phones to the washroomrsquo lsquoIs your pregnancy an FB statusrsquoUnsavviness in handling technology has often landed couples in the soup with vital evidence of their misdeeds going into the wrong hands For instance a wrong text message sent by a Dadarbased navy captain to his wife meant for his girl friend wrecked the relationship and ended in a child custody petition a picture lsquoWhatsappedrsquo mistakenly to the wife became key evidence of ldquorevived extramarital tiesrdquo in a domestic violence case a wifersquos Facebook party pictures publicly shared without privacy restrictions became the basis of an adultery case filed by her Dubaibased husband who had a minutetominute tracking of her goingson in Mumbai in another case the wife produced the husbandrsquos dance bar photo stream to prove his unsuitability as a guardian of minor childrenSujata Kulkarni retired counsellor Thane Family Court echoes similar objections to misleading Facebook statuses She recalls a 30yearold husband who appeared twice 2014 in the court on the same day once for a divorce petition filed by his wife and then in a plea seeking annulment of marriage by his school mate whom he had tricked into wedlock by claiming to be single on FB ldquoAt a time when he was in a deep conflict with his wife he had the gumption to create a false FB account and reunite with his SSC batchmate Also isnrsquot it surprising that no one in the group virtual class reunion knew about his marital history The girl took him at lsquoface valuersquo without once meeting his parentsrdquoLawyerturnedmediator adjudged the Best Mediator by the Bombay High Courtrsquos Mediation Committee in the Nagpur Family Court mediator Sharmila Charalwar resolved 192 disputes out of 223 in 2015 using role play as one of the arbitration techniques feels the mobile phonecentric discord has specific shades in the orange city ldquoMen resent the newfound lsquosmartphone freedomrsquo enjoyed by women Women talking or chatting extensively raise suspicion especially amongst the newly married Most disputes that I am currently mediating involve young couples in which the wife seeks equal access to friendsrsquo groups and chat hubs She makes it into a rights issue whereas the husband makes it into a conjugal negligence caserdquo Charalwar is currently a part of the felicitation of 101 couples reunited by Family Court in Nagpur which aims at encouraging a sharing of coping strategies and best practices CM Devendra Fadnavis and Guardian Judge of Family Courts Justice Revati MohiteDere will be present for this Nanda Saukhya Bhare Live Happily event on August 7A recent case handled by a Nandedbased marriage counsellor Dhanashree Deo showed how mobile phones are playing spoilsports in second and third tier cities as seen in some State Womens Commission hearings A marriage counsellor in Pune asked a husband to cite reasons why he hadnrsquot connected with his spouse for six months after a dispute over unpaid dues rocked the marriage Denying the charge of abandonment the man said he was in regular touch with his wife To prove his point he flashed a cake flowers shawl and birthday greetings Whatsapped to his wife at repeated intervals Virtual reality that was