11:00 am: Today is column deadline day and I haven’t been able to think of any ideas. Perhaps I need a change of scenery. I think I shall go write at a coffee shop. Sitting at home in my boxers is not inspiring. Working out of coffee shops seems to work for hipsters, should work for me.
11:30 am: Still at home. Still in boxers. I blame Reddit.
12 pm: Have reached coffee shop. Shall sit in the outdoor section and enjoy Mumbai’s lovely monsoon breeze.
12:02 pm: Mumbai’s lovely monsoon breeze is made up exclusively of flies, mosquitoes and cigarette smoke. Moving indoors.
12:10 pm: Indoors. Coffee Shop has free Wi-Fi.
12:20 pm: WHY WON’T YOU WORK YOU BA***RD FREE WIFI
1:00 pm: I luv u Reddit
1:20 pm: Crunch-time. Must choose topic. Three options:
1) Is putting plus-sized people on magazine covers turning into a cheap gimmick?
2) Should the American flag just be a gun with a giant middle finger coming out of it?
3) I luv u Shower Thoughts Reddit

Representation pic/thinkstock