What’s love got to do with it?

Here are a few things I have recently been told by dear Instagram to reup my bodyiswonderland game telling my curves rolls and cellulite to let it all hang out owning my feminism by twerking in underwear buying corsets and shapewear as a shortcut to the voluptuary babe in me agreeing that this seasonrsquos crop top trend flatters all body shapes and sizes waving an ironic third finger to a critical eyeSometimes these declarations of selflove are a gloriously straightforward statement of marketing intent but this escalating trend points to a bigger issue Body positivity is not just about a confident body image but all its adjacencies tooFirst it is focused solely on appearance Second while being positive is proven to improve your mental health after a lifetime of wanting to be different suddenly falling in love with what you see in the mirror isnrsquot simpleThis creates tension between ldquolove your body no matter whatrdquo hashtags and the realities of what it is like to actually love it This could be leading to a type of ldquotoxic body positivity in which thin or overweight people are compelled to feel guilt for not loving their bodiesrdquo observes Hvovi Bhagwagar Mumbaibased psychologist and psychotherapist ldquoIn reality enforcing toxic positivity on people is endangering them from actually feeling their natural emotionsrdquo she adds Hvovi Bhagwagar psychologist and psychotherapistWhile the movement might be helping us celebrate all bodies the slippery embrace of body positivity is also fashioning unrealistic expectations by using it as a panacea for all physical insecurities ldquoThis loving your body 247 feels more performative than radicalrdquo At her practice Bhagwagar deals with a significant percentage of younger clients starting as early as 13 years and is yet to meet someone who has felt reassured by the contemporary version of ldquolet it all hang outrdquo ldquoThey are already dealing with trauma related to selfesteem and body perception and seeing a plussize person in a bikini triggers unhealthy thoughts on weight and appearancerdquo she tells usThe last pair of jeans I bought were size 32 and for a fashion journalist that is as tolerable as it gets Itrsquos a result of tedious exercising saying no to eating after 7 pm and regular appointments with the gynac to keep my fibroidinduced moods and weight in check My weight has been my private business all sticky conversations around it conducted in front of my mirror as I sometimes rejoice at the sight of the clavicle But most times I wince at my curve range Lately though when I see myself in the mirror my eyes linger longer around the bulgy bits This is a new unloving mental space to be inldquoI was out shopping for a onepiece swimsuit this summer and couldnrsquot find anything in my size I called up a few brands they said it would take a week to custommake one Is the plussize fashion industry equipped to dress us the way we want and when we wantrdquo asks Jayati Bose 41 an independent creative consultant with a focus on textiles Bose is mother to 10yearold Noyonika and shares an anecdote from an earlier shopping trip with her ldquoBecause of the restrictions during the lockdown two years ago Noyonika had put on a bit of weight When I took her shopping the clothes available for an eightyearold didnrsquot fit her She came home depressedrdquo This for Bose mirrored her own mental space ldquoHow many Indian brands are hospitable to a wearer larger than size XXL which according to some estimates is 69 per cent of all Indian women shoppers For most bigsized women shopping is a triggering experience They end up hating their bodies even morerdquoBose says she had a ldquoskinnyrdquo frame before and after pregnancy and it was when she quit her job as a celebrity stylist to take care of a personal matter that she spiralled into depression and put on the kilos While Bose is all for female expression through nudity she asks ldquobut yeh kuch jyada nahin ho raha hairdquoNeelakshi Singh is funny smart and feminist to the core The Mumbai resident is parttime lecturer at a fashion college and founderdesigner at Label Carpe Diem a madetomeasure clothing brand where everything from the length of your sleeves to the neckline is calibrated to your body and preference ldquoFat people can also be fashionablerdquo she assures She wears size 18 and refers to herself as ldquofatrdquo a term she uses with love as a ldquoneutralrdquo physical descriptorBut Singh is better known as a bodypositive content creator and model And she is frustrated with todayrsquos version of body positivity This sounds ironic until she explains her reasons ldquoBody positivity was to encourage women like me to celebrate ourselves But brands and bloggers interpreted it in marketable ways Some thought it meant hyping your body up by pulling your leggings down to flaunt your tiger stripes The term has also been coopted by all bodiesrdquoSingh is only 31 but she has already grappled with various attitudes to ldquohow can I make peace with my bodyrdquo Each time she brokers peace with her physical self her resolve is tested when brands or fashion show organisers approach her ldquoI need the moneyrdquo she says of the modelling jobs The fear of being cancelled makes sure that stylists press for Singh to carry her own clothes on shoots ldquoEvery brand is chasing diversity so I end up being placed beside a tall skinny model I am a proxy for a lsquorealrsquo person It helps the brandrsquos image but wounds my selfesteemrdquo she confides ldquoDuring fashion show preps stylists form two rows one for the models another for lsquorealrsquo people A model once came up to me and said lsquoSo this is what a real person looks likersquo The phrase real woman is not only patronising to us but itrsquos also tacitly insulting to thin women who are apparently lsquonotrealrsquordquoSinghrsquos struggles with eating disorders began when she was in class eight ldquoI was bulimic and enrolled in rehab and therapy sessions as puking and purging was the only way I knew how to punish myself for eatingrdquo She thought she had filed this experience down to a teaching moment until she was recently reminded of her struggle ldquoI was getting my nails done at a fancy salon in Juhu when a motherdaughter pair sat next to me The mother took a look at me and started extolling the virtues of bulimia Speaking from her own experience she said it takes four minutes for sugar to enter the bloodstream so she clocks herself every time she eats dessert so she can throw up within the time windowrdquoSingh clarifies that she isnrsquot painting a tragic picture All she wants to do is stress that there is no celebration anymore in body positivity