Devastated captain Sachin Tendulkar wanted to quit in 1997, reveals book

New Delhi He might be revered as the God of Cricket but there was a phase in Sachin Tendulkars aweinspiring career when the batting maestro felt so scarred and devastated by the Indian teams ineptitude under his captaincy that he wanted to completely move away from the sportThe 41yearold former batsman who claimed almost every record that is there to be taken in international cricket before calling it quits last year has finally opened up about the dark days he survived in a career which spanned over two decadesSachin TendulkarIn his autobiography Playing it My Way to be released worldwide on November 6 the muchadmired but reticent batting legend has dwelled on the frustrations he faced during his reign as captain a phase which is considered the biggest debacle of his otherwise enduring love affair with cricketI hated losing and as captain of the team I felt responsible for the string of miserable performances More worryingly I did not know how I could turn it around as I was already trying my absolute best recalls Tendulkar in the book the first exclusive excerpts of which are with PTII confided in wife Anjali that I feared there was nothing more that I could do to stem the tide of defeats Losing a string of very close matches had left me badly scarred I had given it everything and was not sure that I could give even 01 per cent more It was hurting me badly and it took me a long time to come to terms with these failures I even contemplated moving away from the sport completely as it seemed nothing was going my way reveals the diminutive righthander in the muchawaited book coauthored by noted sports journalist and historian Boria MajumdarThis period of disillusionment dates back to 1997 when the Indian team was touring the West Indies After drawing the opening two Tests the Indians seemed to be heading for a victory in the third chasing a mere 120 But in an inexplicable disaster the tourists were bowled out for 81 with only VVS Laxman managing a doubledigit score Monday 31 March 1997 was a dark day in the history of Indian cricket and definitely the worst of my captaincy career And yet it had promised so much In fact over dinner at a restaurant in St Lawrence Gap in Barbados the night before I remember having a joke with the waiter who was predicting a West Indian win He was confident that Ambrose would bounce India out the next morning Tendulkar writesNow in the first innings of this match Franklyn Rose had bowled me a bouncer and I had pulled him into the stands for six So I reminded the waiter of the shot and jokingly said to him that if Ambrose tried to bowl me a bouncer I would hit him all the way to AntiguaI was so confident of our chances that I pointed to the fridge and said he should immediately chill a bottle of champagne and I would come and open it the next day and pour him a glass to celebrate winning the match Tendulkar says in the bookInstead we collapsed for a miserable 81 all out handing the West Indies a 38run victory Frankly there can be no excuses for such a poor batting effort even though it was a difficult track I certainly dont want to point fingers at anyone for the defeat as thats not my way In any case I was part of that team and as captain it was my responsibility to steer us to victory I did not get the feeling that we were overconfident yet none of the batsmen apart from Laxman even reached double figures in the second innings and it was one of the worst batting displays I have been part of he addsIn fact for Tendulkar who retired with a mammoth 15921 from 200 Tests and 18426 runs from 463 ODIs the defeat was so painful that it still rankles whenever he travels down memory laneI myself got out for just four In my anxiety to get a feel for the ball I got a tentative edge I should either have left the ball alone or tried to counterattack The defeat left me totally devastated and I shut myself in my room for two whole days trying to come to terms with the loss I still feel the pangs of that defeat when I look back at the series he saysDwelling further on the Caribbean catastrophe Tendulkarsaid the ODI series which followed the fiveday games added to his misery as the team lost 14 leaving him in a state of fury which he just could not control in a dressing room meetingAfter eventually losing the fiveTest series 01 we went on to lose the ODI series as well The good start to the tour had given way to a complete lack of application and that proved catastrophic in the end The best example of this ineptitude was the third oneday game at St Vincent where we needed 47 runs to win off the last ten overs with six wickets in hand Rahul and Sourav had set up the platform and we should have strolled to victory Tendulkar recallsAgain and again I instructed the batsmen not to go for big shots and to play along the ground saying there was no need for any risktaking with the asking rate under five runs an over However all our middle and lowerorder batsmen kept playing the ball in the air The loss of a few wickets resulted in panic which in turn led to a number of suicidal runouts It was infuriating to see the team lose from a winning situation he saidAt the end of the match I called a team meeting and lost my cool with the boys in the dressing room I spoke from my heart and said the performance was unacceptable I said that losing matches in which the opposition play better cricket is one thing I had no problem with such defeats but losing a match that we had completely under control suggested there was something seriously wrong with the teamIt took some combined words of encouragement from the legendary bowling duo of legspinner Anil Kumble and mediumpacer Javagal Srinath to calm a devastated and disillusioned TendulkarI was extremely upset with the way we were playing and both Anil and Srinath came to my room in the evening to try and calm me down Anil said that I should not blame myself for the defeats and that we would learn from the mistakes we had made in South Africa and the West Indies However things were really starting to get on top of me he writesUltimately it was Anjali who helped Tendulkar deal with the debacles during his reign as captain and carry onAnjali as usual managed to put things in perspective and assured me that things would surely get better in the months to come Looking back it was just frustration getting the better of me he said