Friends, on and off the pitch: How football groups in Mumbai are helping men build friendships

They say one doesnrsquot make friends after college easily In the pandemonium that is working life where there are only colleagues and acquaintances it becomes a struggle to maintain old friendships and connect with new people One answer to this crisis of alienation is footballAcross Mumbai and beyond informal football groups have developed as enduring networks for men to interact with friends and strangers alike They outlast the chatter on the WhatsApp groups the silence brought by relocations and life changes Given enough time they blossom into substantial relationshipsHarsh Valke seated fourth from left and friends play at Leno Grounds ThaneTake Lakshyarsquos group of old childhood friends from Pune They have been active for 11 years playing across turfs in Sahakar Nagar Viman Nagar and Baner ldquoWersquore friends firstrdquo he states with certainty ldquoand football is something that gives us a reason to meet regularlyThe members have been there for each other during some of the hardest moments ldquoA while agordquo Lakshya remembers ldquoI had broken my hand and needed surgery They were the ones who took me to the hospital They kept my spirits high Even bought me a jerseyrdquoHe in turn has stayed true to the friendship in different ways ldquoI have tried helping them any way I can like networking and even helping them find jobsrdquoTeammates talk of almost everything under the sun Every time Harsh Valkersquos community from Thane meets the postmatch discussion inevitably strays from footballcentric debates ldquoWe have become family nowrdquo Valke confesses ldquoWe share happy and sad moments together Birthdays breakups anniversaries We are the loudest baraatis and best chachus to any kid in the grouprdquoLakshya second from right and his old friends from Pune catch up on the pitchLike all good friends they canrsquot help but keep each other humble ldquoWe let the wife and kids of any member know how bad their father is on the pitchrdquo Valke jokes Itrsquos not just fun and games either ldquoWe invest in each otherrsquos businesses as well We discuss the ups and downs of a business openly and advise each other on how to get through rough patchesrdquoFootball being a game of expression the players donrsquot even need to talk at times ldquoThe body language during the game tells a lot about the person If he is going through something we notice it in the performancerdquo says Valke This sort of rolling reunion made up of games twice a week has become a constant ldquoLuckily we havenrsquot had many tough times but we have shown solidarity every time there have been funerals of loved onesrdquo he addsThe group from South Mumbai has been active for a decadeThere is a certain beauty in the democracy of the football pitch that can make friends out of strangers Arjun Rastogi has been part of a group largely based in South Mumbai where people of different ages professions and thoughts take partOne moment yoursquore duelling for a loose ball with a person years older and in the next yoursquore opening up to them ldquoItrsquos shocking how many times when you say something out loud you realise other people have already been through itrdquo Rastogi says ldquoIt could be small things like planning visas for a trip somewhere It could be a lot more figuring out life plans or even tax questionsrdquoOutside of football Rajveer Singh Vyas extreme left and his friends from Lonavla meets regularly for breakfast as well as hikes and treksThese bonds made on the pitch have an eloquent advocate in Valke ldquoThe friends Irsquove made while playing football are the ones I can trust blindly just like how I know when I make a pass my teammate is going to make a run to receive and scorerdquoA case of shrinking circlesPsychologist Akshada Anikhindi says ldquoRight from childhood a lot of boys donrsquot experience friendship as sitting and talking Itrsquos usually doing something together playing watching a match even studying That carries into adulthoodrdquo Case in point ldquoWhen you play as a team therersquos evidence that exercising together can increase feelings of social bonding But what you go through together is more significantThe wins the losses a good tackle a bad one You encourage each other you pick things up from each other and you release a lot of stress in the same spacerdquo This dynamic and the connections it brings can be lonelinessslayers ldquoThe opposite of loneliness is connectionrdquo as Akshada puts it ldquoThe connection usually happens around the game the chai after the ride back home someone texting because you havenrsquot shown up in three weeks Thatrsquos when a group slowly becomes a support systemrdquoTaking care of each otherOnce the baptism in sweat has taken place on the pitch you become de facto friends even with people yoursquove just met And that friendship ensures beyond borders One group playing at St Andrews in Bandra West twice a week boasts both Indians and expats According to Yan Garin a Frenchman and one of the founding members the group has grown from a mere handful to a WhatsApp group of 60 players all from different nationalities and backgroundsldquoWe take care of each otherrdquo says Sharan Mehra whorsquos been part of the group for seven to eight years now and keeps it running behind the scenes ldquoIf someone suddenly doesnrsquot show up we reach out to understand whatrsquos wrongrdquoThe group from StAndrews has seen friendships branching out into meetups outside the pitch PICShadab KhanFootball the grouprsquos common interest has led to friendships branching out into concerts dinners baby showers and more ldquoOne of our core memories was when we went to see the AlHilal game at DY Patil stadium in November 2023 to see Neymar Jr play We took a bus to the stadium and it felt like a chill picnic Sadly Neymar didnrsquot come but we had a great timerdquoThe bonds have gotten stronger over time even as careers have taken many players away Mehra keeps ldquoin touch with people whorsquove moved back to their countriesrdquo ldquoWhenever theyrsquore in the city they come by to play or just to meet usrdquo he says ldquoI feel like I can trust them with anything and I think they feel the same way about merdquoBen Hayes a businessman from the UK who moved to Mumbai 15 years ago believes the sessions to be refreshing and rather therapeutic ldquoIrsquove got work itrsquos always stressful and then when I get home itrsquos kids wife house One time I get out just myself is the footballrdquo The reason he shows up for the games is simple and one with which most can relate ldquoIt gets the endorphins goingrdquo he chuckles ldquoit helps me destressrdquoOthers echo this sentiment ldquoApart from the gamerdquo Rajveer Singh Vyas who plays with his group in Lonavala admits ldquowe donrsquot have much of a personal life In fact we have more of a work liferdquoFootball groups work as an antidote to this problem starting with games and expanding onersquos social life ldquoWe meet up for hikes and treks or mostly for breakfast We often discuss how we can polish our football skills our favourite players and clubs social issues cars and bikes We also share daytoday updatesrdquo says VyasThanks to football he believes he has become much more extroverted and has learned to make many more friends