Why are New Year’s resolutions so hard to keep?

Let us put first the gist of this article if thatrsquos all you are going to read Mindful breathing is the easiest and most potent tool to maintain health We take it for granted because yoga is as benign and ubiquitous as pani puri wallahsMoving onMany studies show that resolutions drop off by mid February Why are they so hard to keep Itrsquos a funny cocktail of the beliefs held by your inner child a trauma response dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system neurodiversity a hunger for thrill and even ancestral patterns from another lifetime Yes thatrsquos overwhelming BreatheGhazala Ansari a presenceoriented psychotherapist who works with trauma resolution sees dysregulation as an invitation by the body to do deeper work PicSayyed Sameer AbediWe deep dived into this quagmire and found that itrsquos more than just willpower that makes one stick to resolutions about managing emotions sticking to a diet or stop being spendthrift Authentic and sustained change comes from selfreflection recognition and understandingLetrsquos examine where the resolution comes from Take cutting out sugar for instance ldquoDoes it come from selfcare like for a person with diabetes or from guilt shame or external pressure to look a certain wayrdquo asks Ayurveda doctor Krupa Kelkar who practices psychospirituality in Goa ldquoAddiction could also be the result of acute and chronic anxiety or depression If itrsquos the latter set intention and not a resolution be compassionate with yourself Allow yourself to give in from time to time and not cut it out completelyrdquoRohini Master says setting an intention for the year works better than making a resolutionBefore putting away all pictures of cupcakes and macaroons understand how you could be sabotaging yourself ldquoWhen we resolve to do or not do something we over commitrdquo says Rohini Master a psychotherapist based in Vasai ldquoWe compel ourselves dominate which puts the subconscious brain into rebel mode and sabotages our efforts Set an intention insteadrdquo The difference between a resolution and an intention is to leave the action part out So you could resolve to avoid all sugar or set the intention ldquoI will be leaner this yearrdquo Here the action plan is left for the subconscious mind to chart out which it gets down to quicklyNidhi Pandya an Ayurveda practitioner based in New York City offers another point of view specifically for sugar addiction ldquoSweetness is the first taste we are used to as human beings when we turn to our motherrsquos milk for nourishmentrdquo says the third generation Ayurveda practitioner ldquoIt creates intimacy and subconsciously makes us feel worthy Every time we cry as babies we are offered breast milk So we associate sweetness with comfort very early on in liferdquoThrough the Ayurveda lens stress dries things up in our body like our mouth ldquoIn Ayurveda sugar is slimy and moist so we seek it outrdquo says Pandya Also scientifically speaking sugar releases sucrose main constituent of sugar directly into our body it doesnrsquot need processing and you suddenly feel energetic ldquoSo when you are feeling stuck it becomes a natural tendency to turn to sugarrdquoNidhi Pandya Rizwana Nulwala and Krupa KelkarTrauma and addiction are closely related and trauma makes the nervous system oscillate between flight and fight While this is necessary for survival the hypervigilance born from trauma imprints does not let the autonomic nervous system settle down You go into a loop of memory and connecting thoughts dissociating from the present moment This is a physically painful place for the body to be in and guess what soothes The sweet stuff but also any numbing agent such as alcohol drugs or nicotineAddictions such as shopping give a dopamine hit which leaves you feeling high ldquoSugar shopping and exercise activate the same neural pathwayrdquo says Rizwana Nulwala a psychotherapist based in Andheri ldquoAs does posting and getting likes on social media If you are an emotional person overallmdasheasily excited impulsive high strungmdashyou are placed on the higher end of the spectrum Such people are more likely to seek out dopamine hits You have to replace the addiction with something else thatrsquos as exciting that activates the same neural pathwaysrdquoA crucial step to make lasting change is to examine addictions and compulsions closely ldquoA person may have a vulnerability to addiction due to neurodiversityrdquo explains Ghazala Ansari who is based in Nerul Navi Mumbai ldquoOne must look at the intensity of the compulsion The important question to ask is What am I getting from this addiction What pain is it soothing or alleviating What is it supplementingrdquo Once you zero in on this then begins the healing workTo this end Pandya recommends keeping a sugar journal lsquoWhat was happening within me when I craved sugarrsquo lsquoHow did I feel afterrsquo are some prompts Once the triggers are recognised ldquoitrsquos time to write a new script which goes like this lsquoWhenever I feel like this I am going to reach for waterhelliprsquordquo This applies for addictions such as gaming social media posting and shoppingPandya also recommends breathing along with consuming more rice and milk without sugar and complex carbohydrates to reduce the cravings ldquoAlso chewing your food longer releases sugar which mixes with your saliva and satiates yourdquo she saysControlling onersquos anger or other negative emotions such as frustration is also an oftmade selfpromise ldquoEmotion regulation is a skillrdquo says Nulwala ldquoand it can be learnt and strengthened with practicerdquoIt all starts with a deep breathldquoRecognise the dysregulation in the body and the triggers that cause it observe itrdquo she says ldquoBreathing increases the oxygen in the bloodstream which calms the nervous system downrdquo The act of breathing mindfully also brings you to the present and breaks the loop of memory and associated negative feelingsAnsari sees dysregulation as an invitation by the body to do deeper work which can be done with the help of a therapist or even a support group which creates a safe space for the physical body ldquoYou can observe whatrsquos stuck that needs to flowrdquo says the presenceoriented psychotherapist who works with trauma resolutionBut before you engage with and investigate it you have to experience it Master recommends the fiveminute rule You are allowed to feel angryfrustrateddisappointedsad for five minutes and then you must move on ldquoThe first thought we have when we are angryrdquo she says ldquois that we shouldnrsquot be Thus begins the shame and guilt cycle We are humans and humans will experience emotions Unless we feel and own them we canrsquot let them go Tell yourself it is okay to be angryrdquoAfter you are done feeling come back to the present withhellipno prizes for guessing five deep breaths ldquoCome back to the momentrdquo she says ldquoDonrsquot let a new pattern formrdquo Anger according to her stems from fear and manifests as fever So yoursquoll have to dig deep into what it is that you fear What are the insecurities that yoursquoll need to work on Is there a loss of control that you fear for instancePandya who goes by my_ayurvedic_life on Instagram also recommends befriending and embracing the storm ldquoBe grateful for it it is telling you something about yourself that needs to be healedrdquo she says ldquoa story needs to be unlocked about something you felt harshly and strongly in the past Allow the storm to build up embrace the storm but donrsquot let it erupt outside Slow down in the moment when that happensrdquoEmotional FirstAid can be salivating and spitting anger frustration and anxiety out of your body Even crying can help Chewing something mechanically going for a run doing a little dance routinemdashall these can help at the momentProcrastination or unpunctuality is an avoidance technique but also has physical roots ldquoNeurodivergent people have a different concept of timerdquo says Nulwala ldquoas do those whose forebrain is challenged They are not able to make executive decisions such as estimate how much time it would take to get ready and reach a placerdquoPandya admits that some people lose sense of time because they get immersed into the minutia of a task However it is also ldquothe lack of desire to be somewhere on time It could be an act of rebellion also but it could also be that you donrsquot want to experience the feelings that come with being at the place earlymdashsocial anxiety idling waiting or confronting the task at hand itselfrdquoHere too if you face the discomfort by all together nowmdashpausing for a breathmdashfacing the discomfort and see what it wants to tell you about yourself it couldbe helpfulldquoAfter allrdquo she reasons ldquoeven the most unpunctual person has things she is never late formdashflights dates doctorrsquos appointmentsrdquoSaving money or plugging a shopping addiction is a bit more tricky A lot has to do with your relationship with money and your beliefs and thought patterns that surround it Master says that thought patterns are formed in the first eight years of your life and imprinted there ldquoThey could come from your parents or a conclusion your childmind drew after an incidentrdquo she says While she has always been ldquoblessed with moneyrdquo a childhood incident led her to hold the belief that ldquomoney only comes at the last momenthellipjust as the credit card bill is due for examplerdquoShe held on to this before recognising and rewriting it in inner child work ldquoYour inner child holds on to these beliefs she could have inherited from her parentsrdquo she says ldquofrom other lifetimes from an ancestral pattern coming down from a grandmother in this lifetime or an ancestral pattern from other lifetimesrdquo Yes thatrsquos a lot to chew on Take a few breaths to soak it inCommonly held beliefs about money include that itrsquos only for the Tatas and the AmbanisThat you have to work hard for it itrsquos the root of all evil itrsquos never enough or it goes as quickly as it comes itrsquos bad to chase money Some people learn to hate moneyldquoNone of this is truerdquo says Pandya ldquoMoney is as essential as food and air Just as we work on cultivating a relationship with our spouse our children you have to repair and rebuild a poor relationship with moneyrdquo Money is essentially an energy according to her and you have to allow it to flow in and out of your life ldquoWhen we create reverence for money honour it be grateful for it you change the relationshiprdquo she says Gratitude and reverence being the two words she stresses onThen respect and recognise how it is coming into your life and how it enhances it ldquoMost people are insecure about moneyrdquo she continues ldquoso they hoard it or sometimes they hoard and binge splurgerdquo Instead think about how you would like a relationship with a good friend to be likemdashrespectful understanding patient Now cultivate all of these towards moneyWhile all this sounds exhausting Master throws us a line ldquoRealisation resolves 70 per cent of the problem These feelings compulsions beliefs dissolve when you own them Then comes the healing through therapy or breath work Healing is easy people complicate itrdquoSo take your resolution whatever it may be and turn it into an intention ldquoSay it out to the universe as if you are ordering dishes from a menu at a restaurantrdquo says Marker ldquoYou donrsquot worry about whether the dish will come or if it will be made well do you You just trust it willrdquo