Hello Again, kitty party: How Mumbai's women are coming together to find their own community

We are all guilty of it mdash when our mothers sisters and daughters dress up on a Sunday like clockwork and head out to meet their friends we take a dig at them They might be on their way to a kitty party hobby class or perhaps to a game of Bridge or Mahjong but a jab is a mustThe lightest insult thrown at them is often ldquowaste of timerdquo all the way to more serious ones such as ldquowaste of moneyrdquo The worst of them all is ldquoWants to dress up even at this agerdquo The Indian codewords that simultaneously call a woman old unattractive irrelevant and attentionseekingPoonam Chandersy Bijal Udeshi and MevishA few weeks ago actor comedian Mallika Dua went on Instagram and pointed out how generations have grown up looking down on the kitty party but as a woman in her mid30s Dua is 36 she now welcomes the company of women in her life ldquoWhat have we achieved by not joining the kittyrdquo she asks in her signature deadpan humour genre ldquoAll we do is complain about fkbois and look at brainrot content anyway At least here I would get a bedsheet an air fryer with a side of gossiprdquo she addsDua is exactly in the age group of women who have now begun to feel the need for a larger sisterhood outside their usual more intimate circle One of the comments on her aptly titled video Justice for Kittie reads ldquoSeriously I have lamented this so many times over the last few years So much unwarranted judgment on tiptop aunties having fun Irsquom now this middleaged lady FOMOing over kitty parties and taash partiesrdquoIn a 2021 research paper by Alisa Bedrov and Shelly L Gable mdashThriving together The benefits of womenrsquos social ties for physical psychological and relationship health mdash concluded ldquoWomen not only seek out social support more often than men but are also more skilled at providing responsive social support to others and are more sensitive in generalrdquoLike Dua we too have been wondering whatever happened to kitty parties Originally set up to foster community kitty parties were also a financial support system for women who did not always have direct access to banking in earlier days While thatrsquos changed with modern banking we set out to learn if women are still reaching out and forging alliances with other women who are complete strangers The answer might restore your faith in humanitylsquoCrafting their own communityrsquoAayushi Pathak 21 started thehobbyhoardersgirlsclubexclusively for women as a way to build communityAayushi Pathak 21 is finance student and part time accountant She started the womenonly thehobbyhoardersgirlsclubin Instagram page back in 2025 with one purpose in mind ldquoI always wanted to curate a community for womenrdquo she saysAayushi PathakThe club is currently holding its ldquoHobby Hoarders Summer Retreatrdquo where for Rs 1799 women can get together and indulge in hobbies such as wooden comb bedazzling hand rave fan painting book swaps as well as get a goodie bag and craft kits The entire programme lasts for three hours and Pathak loves the community she has builtFrom girls as young as 14 to 45yearold women they enjoy each otherrsquos company They recently had a watch party for the Devil Wears Prada 2 release where they all booked tickets next to each other in the theatre Other events include art gallery hoppingAyushi Pathak doing a hobby session with the womenBut why organise this ldquoGrowing up I always felt like I didnrsquot have enough female friendships who got me and my hobbies and made me feel like I was the only one until I created this community and turns out therersquos over 3000 of us alreadyrdquo she laughs Some of her male friends though have been asking if they can come too because it looks fun ldquoI understand them but this is a space where I want women to feel safe and be themselves so wersquore unlikely to bring male members inrdquo she adds with a lightness in her voiceMevish a bubbly 24yearold who works as the senior content executive at letsfigrr and worked with Pathak and Kapadia in order to spotlight their initiatives featuring them on social mediaQuite young herself Mevish has noticed more and more women coming together to create spaces in the city ldquoI think women are going out and finding a way to connect through a passion be it crafts or mahjong or anything and itrsquos actually really heartening to seerdquo she says ldquoIn the last few years the frequency has gone up and itrsquos great because even though these events might be in Bandra or Andheri women from all over the city including Thane or Navi Mumbai are participating in themrdquo she sayslsquoNot just a ladiesrsquo game but we arenrsquot complainingrsquoMahjong maven NITA KAPADIArsquos playing circle keeps SoBo womenrsquos minds sharpMahjong groups and classes have taken India by storm and Mumbai seems to be at the epicentre Nita Kapadia who has created the Mahjong handbook that is used across South Mumbai clubs namely Willingdon Sports Club is it across clubs or at this club is a force of natureRajesh DaswaniOn Wednesday afternoon we visit the 60yearold teaching the game at the back of RTI Foods at the Ratan Tata Institute in Babulnath Kapadia buzzes over each table like a hummingbird ldquoItrsquos not just a game you see Itrsquos about coming out meeting the girls The additional advantage is that you keep your mind sharprdquo she saysWe look round and see Mahjong players turn up for the game serious and focused ldquoEven though itrsquos not a womanrsquos game back in China where the game was invented in India for some reason men have misunderstood it to be a womanrsquos game Itrsquos not but thatrsquos okay we are having fun hererdquo a player Aban Bapasola says with a smirkNita Kapadia teaching the Mahjong classBijal Udeshi a teacher at a Worli school heads here thrice a week after work and lunch to play in the afternoon slot ldquoI love playing catching up with everyone and heading homerdquo says Udeshi shyly Many women have a cup of coffee or snack together before the game or make plans for laterPoonam Chandershy who flits between Goa and Mumbai twice a week says coming to play a game here feels like coming home ldquoEven though I live in Goa my work brings me to Mumbai quite a lot So whenever I can I book a table and come here Itrsquos my second homerdquo says Chandersy who is the exact same age as DuaThe community embraces allAmong the 1200 members in the mahjong circle there are three men one of whom we happen to bump into Rajesh Daswani has been playing Mahjong with the women for two years now When we ask why not hang out with men instead ldquoWell men talk about business or about women So I am lucky I guess because there are mostly women here whom I get to meet and speak withrdquo he jokesThe kitty superwomanKavita Gidwani 72 was once part of eight different kitties I really got into it around 2004 and loved every bit of it At my peak I was part of eight kittiesrdquo says Kavita Gidwani 72 ldquoPostCOVID however Irsquove slowed down and now stay active in just onerdquoKavita GidwaniFor Gidwani kitty parties offer much more than the financial aspect they are associated with ldquoThey give women a reason to step out set aside routine responsibilities and nurture their social siderdquo she saysAccording to her the real magic lies in the connections ldquoYou meet different people exchange stories and build lasting friendshipsrdquo Gidwani believes ldquoA kitty party isnrsquot just about the kitty mdash itrsquos the joy of women coming together with the real treasure being friendshiprdquoTherersquos a new kitty in the TonYou might have spotted this grouprsquos Bridgertonthemed kitty party in Bhopal on social mediaRiya Jhalani girlgotdrama is 33 years old and lives in Bhopal Jhalani came onto our radar when she posted a video of a Bridgertonthemed kitty party with her girlfriends on Instagram The women were rocking their fascinators and looking fabulous in tulle sarees that could definitely give the seriesrsquo costume designers a few good ideasRiya JhalaniOver a phone call Jhalani tells us the kitty consists of 12 women most of whom are married into families in Bhopal ldquoThe kitty actually has only two women who are from Bhopal the rest of us moved here after marriage We met each other through our kids who go to the same schoolrdquo she saysEven though the women are happy and thriving they missed the kinship of womanhood ldquoWhen you get married and move cities you lose your social circle your family it becomes lonely and thatrsquos why we decided to form this kittyrdquo she addsNow the women donrsquot just meet up for a kitty but attend each otherrsquos special occasions and gather during festivals too ldquoThe women have become our extended family The kitty has allowed us to build something together and we value it more because we know what it feels like when you donrsquot have itrdquo she saysNeed for connection Zeb clinical psychologistZeb a clinical psychologist believes these spaces have come out of a necessity ldquoI think women are finding these spaces women exclusive spaces for the very first important reason is that they are not getting spaces for rest and leisure in general I think in especially desi communities resting women is something that is looked down upon So where does a woman go then for finding like you know just a place to berdquo they say Do women in her practice express being isolation ldquoWomen will not use the word isolation They might say family is not like before so there isno direct admissionbut the need for connection is thererdquo they add