How Mumbai parents are teaching their children about gender through story books

Rudra Kini Prabhu was eight when he first saw two men kiss on TV and didnrsquot know what to make of it It was the first time his mother Natasha Kini sat him down and explained that ldquolove is love and we are free to choose whom we loverdquoNatasha was determined to get it right ldquoWe are allies My sister is very passionate about queer rights and researched LGBTQIA inclusion in sports for her Masterrsquos Rudra has met a few samesex couples and a blended family Besides his peers are getting to the age when they are bound to talk about itrdquo she says But how is a parent to tackle complex topics like gender expression and queer identity in a way that a middleschooler can empathise without overwhelming them with informationNatasha Kini and her son Rudra 10 explore storybooks that challenge the gender binary at the book store Kahani Tree in Prabhadevi PicsAtul KambleThe answer came as it so often does from a book Not a parenting manual or a complicated treatise on gender identity It was a childrenrsquos storybook from the school library that opened up Rudrarsquos world mdash The Boy in the Dress by David Walliams Itrsquos the tale of a 12yearold who is expelled from school for wearing dresses In a show of solidarity his teammates on the soccer club show up for an important match in dresses and he helps them winAn illustration from Ranganna IllustrationKavita Singh KaleWhen Rudra came home and told Natasha about the novel she asked him how he felt about it His answer was simple ldquoItrsquos his choice if he wants to wear a dress I like that his friends stood up for himrdquo It made Natasha realise the power of a childrenrsquos storybook and sent her down a rabbit hole in search of Indian books that tackle gender and identity from a desi contextIn Baba in A Sari a little girl and her father have fun as he puts on a sari IllustrationKavita Singh KaleWhen we meet mother and son at Kahani Tree a childrenrsquos book store in Prabhadevi the 10yearold makes a beeline for the storybooks His gaze is immediately drawn to Sadiq Wants to Stitch Karadi Tales written by Mamta Nainy and illustrated by Niloufer Wadia The book never uses adult jargon like ldquoqueerrdquo ldquomarginalised communityrdquo or ldquointersectionalrdquo and yet it portrays how itrsquos harder for a boy in the Muslim nomadic community of Bakarwals to indulge in his favourite activity because it is seen as ldquowomenrsquos workrdquoDrag queen Patruni Sastry and their threeyearold child take a quick whirl while in dragItrsquos a similar approach with The Boy in the Cupboard a picture book published collaboratively by Mumbai queer collective Gaysi Family and independent publisher Lettori Press Written by Harshala Gupte and illustrated by Priya Dali the book explores the story of a boy who hides in a cupboard because he is bullied for his gender expression He finally ldquocomes outrdquo when his mother tells him she loves him no matter whatArushi Kavita Singh Kale and Sangeeta BhansalildquoWe didnrsquot want it to outright read as a queer storyrdquo says Niyati Joshi cofounder of Lettori Press ldquoParents can get sceptical about having such lsquoadultrsquo conversations with their kids So we wanted to start with just breaking gender stereotypes mdash boys cannot wear skirts or girls canrsquot play with GI Joes things like that We want a future where no choice was forbidden for kidsrdquoRudra flips through both books in minutes We ask him how he and others in his school would react if one of the boys were to wear a dress or say he likes to stitch He shrugs ldquoNo one would carehellip everyone should have the freedom to be who they are and do what they wantrdquoHow a child is first exposed to someone different from them can impact how they see the ldquootherrdquo for years to come And thatrsquos why childrenrsquos books are such an important window to diversity says Sangeeta Bhansali founder of Kahani Tree The store has a separate section with books on diversity mdash from gender to caste to disability mdash titled ldquoCelebrating DifferencesrdquoJust before our chat with her Bhansali was speaking to a woman looking for books for her daughter ldquoOn spotting the section she said she appreciated the subtlety and gentleness with the books handle these topics especially for younger childrenrdquo Bhansali tells us ldquoThese books challenge stereotypes celebrate individuality and encourage empathy They open the door for meaningful conversations between children and the adults in their lives whether parents or teachersrdquoWhy wait till your child learns the word lsquogayrsquo as a slur in school or is exposed to misinformation on social media when they can learn empathy from a storybook about an elephant that wants to paint its nails in rainbow colours In Ranganna written by Arthi Anand Navaneeth and illustrated by Kavita Singh Kale when the eponymous elephant first expresses this wish his friends laugh But when they see how sad he gets they agree to paint his nailsFor Patruni Sastry a drag queen from Hyderabad who goes by Sas Who Ma onstage picture books have been a great way to help bond with their threeyearold Abhinay Sastry identifies as nonbinary and bisexual and goes by the pronouns theythem These are tough concepts to explain to a preschooler thoughSo Sastry reads to Abhinay from Be Who You Are a picture book by Todd Parr It encourages children to ldquobe a different colourhellip wear everything you need to be yourdquo ldquoAs I read to him Abhinay repeats the words back to merdquo says Sastry ldquoThe book introduces the idea that people can be of any gender they can wear anything It represents me as a human being Now when Abhinay sees me dressing up for my shows he brings me my makeup blenderrdquoAre they at all concerned about whether the books are ageappropriate ldquoPeople tend to assume that books with queer undertones will have explicit or adult themes or content This fear is also why US schools are removing the books from their libraries But gender is not the same as sexuality All these storybooks talk about is how you can be anyone you want as long as you are true to yourself Thatrsquos something we should be telling our kids anywayrdquoRanganna illustrator Kale says she made the titular elephant blue as a symbol for patriarchal gender norms such as boy blue girl pink ldquoWhen Ranganna finally gets to put on nail polish therersquos a rainbow in the sky We used playful and subtle ways to send the message so that it stays appropriate for kidsrdquo she saysKale has also written and illustrated Baba In A Sari in which a father bonds with his daughter by wearing saris and putting on a fashion show for her ldquoItrsquos something I have seen my own husband and daughter do At a childrenrsquos literature festival in Chandigarh we got fathers to put on saris in a workshop At first they were apprehensive but it helped them bond with their kids Thatrsquos how we change the world one child and parent at a timerdquoNot just for kidsChildrenrsquos Books For All was established by psychotherapist Arushi as a way to get both children and adults to address tough subjects like grief and gender identity through picture books Recently when the Trans Act amendment was tabled CBA held a reading of Guthli Has Wings the book is about a child whom the world sees as a boy but who knows deep inside that she is a girlldquoIn talking about Guthli participants were able to talk about their own stories of identity oppression or feelings of being held and belongingrdquo says Arushi ldquoPicture books help us imagine someone elsersquos lived experience It gives children a safe space to imagine lsquoCan I also express myself as freely as Guthlirsquo or lsquoGuthlirsquos mom was supportive maybe I can talk about this with my parentsrsquordquo As for what is ageappropriate ldquoEvery child is at a different maturity Parents should trust their instinct and decide when their child is readyrdquoA few books to trygtgt thinspRanganna Tulika Books An elephant wants to paint his nails in bright coloursgtgt thinspThe Boy In The Cupboard Gaysi Family x Lettori Press A boy hides in the cupboard because he is bullied for his gender expressiongtgt thinspReva and Prisha Scholastic India Twins Reva and Prisha have all sorts of adventures with their two momsgtgt thinspGuthli Has Wings Tulika Books Guthli is told not to wear dresses but to wear her own ldquoboysrsquo clothesrdquo