Meal with a deal

What meal best represents the different stages of your life Whatrsquos your fondest memory as a child What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for youNo you are not sitting in a therapy session You are sitting at the dinner table in your own home surrounded by the people who you have spent over a year with in the pandemicLast month psychotherapist and researcher Rhea Gandhi suggested that her chef husband Yash Rajpal who runs the delivery kitchen Milliways Inc include prompt cards with his food deliveries She felt it would encourage meaningful conversations over dinnerldquoI took inspiration from conversation prompt cards by School of Life a Londonbased organisation built to promote calmer more resilient and selfaware lives through various channels like therapy videos and ideas that I use for my clients when they are struggling to open up That is how I knew their effectiveness The key is not to get through them but rather flow with itrdquo says GandhiWhether it is people living in a traditional joint family youngsters living away from their hometowns in cities with flatmates or couples in a nuclear family our greatest activities have revolved around food and people do enjoy eating together ldquoUsually families know how to manage conflict within their own environment They have their way of dealing with heated conversations and we have to give them credit for maintaining equilibrium and balancerdquo says GandhiThe questions are designed to not be confessional but help stir memories and feelings Her reason she says was personal ldquoInevitably Yash and I would end up talking about Covid19 with everybody I was experiencing fatigue myself My work also involves dealing with clients who are directly affected by it so I wanted my dinner table conversations to be differentrdquoShe admits that itrsquos a challenge to create new positive memories ldquoBut we must remember that we have had a whole life before this pandemic hit usrdquo says Gandhimidday eavesdropped on three families to hear how their dining table talk has changed in the past yearlsquoGet fined for discussing the CwordrsquoBeing at home 24x7 does not mean a family spends all the time together At Juhi Agarwalrsquos home breakfast and dinner is family time ldquoWe are not allowed to have these two meals in our rooms and it is an opportunity to connectrdquo says the 28yearoldAt 28yearold Juhi Agarwalrsquos home breakfast and dinner is family time They are not allowed to have these two meals in their roomsIn the first few months of the lockdown in 2020 this exercise became cumbersome as each day the discussion only revolved around the pandemic and the lockdown ldquoThat is when we made a rule Rs 100 fine for even mentioning the word Covid and R200 for skipping breakfast The latter was to ensure that staying up late night and bingewatching a show was no excuse to skip family timerdquo says Agarwal She adds ldquoMy parents are also working and it is the only time we get to interact with each other and catch up on our livesrdquoHer mother usually buys food items for the delivery runners The funds they collect from the fines go to that causeAgarwalrsquos family even gave the prompt cards a shot ldquoI came back with the learning that parents are special Before the lockdown we hardly spent two or three dinners together in a week We have all been able to share a lot of our personal lives especially feeling low at work Opening up can be therapeutic We have all lost people we know to Covid19 and that is frustrating This has been an opportunity to truly connectrdquo says Agarwal Itrsquos not like there are no differences or arguments in the family ldquoBut the discussions are what help us understand where we all are placed and enables us to express our individuality and thoughtsrdquo Agarwal admitslsquoHummus brought us togetherrsquoWhen the pandemic hit Mumbai and the city went into lockdown in March 2020 there was only one topic on the dinner table at the Jotwanis Covid19 ldquoIn the beginning there was a flurry of information and while my 26yearold sister and I were lapping up everything we read on social media my parents were following television news Our main discussion was about lsquoWhat if it hit our familyrsquordquo says Aniket JotwaniAt the Jotwani residence in Bandra schedules are arranged in a way that all members are able to take a lunch break at 1 pm and have dinner by 8 pm PicShadab KhanWhile Jotwani is a competitive examination tutor his sister teaches Hindustani Classical music and mother Mathematics His father runs a soft skills training centre for Apple For long the family has had the tradition of having dinner together ldquoIn the lockdown wersquove organised our schedules to be able to take a lunch break at 1 pm and have dinner by 8 pm After the initial months of intensely discussing the pandemic talks around Covid19 tapered down Then it moved to shows we had watched and books we were reading The lockdown makes it feel like we are living the same day over and over againrdquo Jotwani says To ensure work from home is smooth for everyone Jotwani sits at the dining table his mother in the hall and his sister in her bedroom ldquoHelping mum set up online lectures and hearing my sister teach more students over the screen was hearteningrdquo he says ldquoWhat really brought us together was food I started cooking in the last one year We grew up in Kuwait and Middle Eastern food has been our favourite One day we tried making classics like hummus and falafel That meal was a walk down memory lane It was different from the stack of lookalike daysrdquolsquoWith each conversation we evolve as a familyrsquoSanjana DedhiaTwentysevenyearold Sanjana Dedhia spent four years in New York first as a student of marketing and then as an employee at an agency When the pandemic hit she packed her bags and took the first flight home Her pregnant sister who has been married seven years also moved in with her husband both as they wanted to be with the family during the pandemic ldquoThis is the first time in years that the entire family is living under one roof againrdquo Dedhia shares When she moved abroad she was in her early 20s ldquoLiving alone made me independent and brought me face to face with adulting When I was growing up our opinions didnrsquot matter much But today we take collective decisions as a family and it is a processmdashto be heard and to understand what my parents want as wellrdquoEvery evening when their grandmother sits for her meal they join her at the table ldquoIt is the time all of us are able to take collective decisions be it the vaccine health updates and mostly discussing my sisterrsquos pregnancy needsrdquo Soon after they disperse to their respective rooms ldquoSometimes discussions get heaty Irsquoll admit But we stay away from the general news topics as much as possible Both my parents had caught the virus and the news is upsetting Everyone is processing a lot and the lockdown does affect our temperamentsrdquo says DedhiaBut it is nice to be home during this time she says adding ldquoI feel like my personality has changed since I was here last and I am learning to embrace my individuality and keep peace between generations When would I have got the time to work on itrdquo she asksHer mother Meena is on cloud nine to have both her girls home ldquoAs an Indian homemaker my life revolved around them I felt lost when my daughters moved out to pursue their dreams It happened quickly with one settling abroad after her marriage and the other going away to studyrdquo says Meena ldquoThey have changed so much Conversations are easy flowing and I can see that my girls have found their unique voice It has been a great time but it still comes with challenges of respecting their space and independence which is new to me With each conversation we evolve as a familyrdquo she says