Mommy needs a break

In Sex and the City 2 actress Cynthia Nixonrsquos character Miranda gets Kristin Davis who plays Charlotte tipsy before she confesses that she enjoyed leaving her kids behind in New York and coming to Abu Dhabi for a vacation In between sobs she also admits to feeling guilty for saying it out loud Indian mums seem to be facing a similar conundrum in the pandemic with many struggling to balance their hectic work schedule and new role as fulltime mothersMany of them are now taking to platforms like Facebook and Instagram to proclaim that itrsquos okay to ldquowant time away from our kidsrdquo and to focus on their careers selflove and selfgrowthMom to a teen Mansi Zaveri says that she wakes up every day earlier than her kids so she can use that time to readTake the case of Shalvi Mangaokar Biswas who started a whole new business two months after having a baby The content creator and cofounder of The Mill a content solutions agency is now mother to Snitika who is five months old ldquoIt has been super hectic and it may work only because I have a strong support system I have a work atmosphere where we donrsquot work after 7 pmrdquo says the 29yearold but adds ldquoSometimes I am just looking at the clock and my little one really hoping she goes to sleeprdquoFor Biswas getting out of the house after being under house arrest during her pregnancy was important She often heads off to the salon to get a head massage ldquoThe mind gets foggy and I just need a break The salon is like therapyrdquo She also has a fixed sleeping schedule for the baby which is 10 pm daily so that she can spend at least two hours on Netflix or read a bookAlso Read Sass in the cityDr Ishinna B Sadana and Lamia B clinical psychologistBut the stress she admits can be overwhelming ldquoI just cry it out I feel relieved And then I talk to my partner who is always helpful when I wish to rid myself of guilt He knows my career is important to me and has been supportiverdquoA lot of research is now pointing to why mums need to take care of their emotional wellbeing One study published in the Journal of Sleep Research said ldquomaternal clinical insomnia during COVID19 more than doubled to 23 per cent during the pandemic compared with only 11 per cent before the pandemicrdquo Another study published in The Lancet Psychiatry said that mothers suffering with depression have doubled since the pandemic started This is because many have become main caregiversmdashthey look after their studies and are also responsible for entertaining themDr Ishinna B Sadana parenting expert with a PhD in Human Development says that recently she has been speaking to many mothers who are experiencing burnout because the time they usually had for themselves which was the time the kids went to school doesnrsquot exist anymore ldquoWe used to use that time for work chores and even self care All planning has gone out of the window I have a fiveyearold and for a long time I didnrsquot even know how to schedule my day anymorerdquo says Sadana Her solution is very practicalmdashto create a routine and to know that the routine is there to help and not stress one outldquoAdd selfcare to the routine also if the routine is causing stress tweak it Most mothers want to cram their time with something to do and being productive That doesnrsquot have to be the norm If you are spending only four hours with your child make them happy and not stressfulrdquoMansi Zaveri founder of parenting website KidsStopPress and a mother to two daughters one 13 and another 19 says that parents like her are facing 100 per cent burnout as they are not just looking after their kids but their parents or inlaws as well ldquoI went for a girls trip in February and now I am getting up earlier than usual so that I can read something other than a childrenrsquos book You have to focus on your own personal growthrdquo But it must all start with acceptance Some mothers donrsquot accept that they are burnt out and end up projecting the low on to the child says clinical psychologist Lamia B ldquoThey have become helicopter mums and are too involved in their childrsquos life They also have headaches are irritable and not keeping well In our cultural context itrsquos hard for them to disconnect as they may be called bad mothersrdquoLamia says the best way to deal with the guilt is to reconnect with yourself see box instead of disconnect ldquoMothers should let that judgemental voice inside their head take a backseat Even if it is as simple as listening to a song you love do itrdquoHow to reconnect with yourself thinspGo for a girlsrsquo night out with your friends thinspRead that book you want to finish thinspGo for a date night with your partner thinspIf you are a single mum get on a dating app thinspMake selfcare a part of your everyday routine