It’s super tough, but just say NO

What initially appeared to be a tragic trekking accident at Punersquos Lohagad Fort is now being investigated as a murder On June 18 26yearold businessman Ketan Agarwal fell nearly 400 feet into a gorge during an outing with his fianceacutee Siya Goyal She told police that he had slipped while taking photographs near the valley edge and cited strong winds as the causeBut investigators later found CCTV footage showing a hooded man despite the 33degree June heat allegedly following the couple The man was identified as Chetan Chaudhary and the case soon took a dramatic turn from accidental death to suspected murderFrom left to right The 26yearold victim Ketan Agarwal 20yearold accused Siya Goyal and 22yearold coaccused Chetan Choudhary PICXIshanismmThe case has drawn comparisons with the recent Sonam Raghuvanshi case in which investigators alleged that the woman conspired to kill her husband According to police Goyal has confessed that she chose to kill Agarwal rather than call off the wedding since she did not want to hurt her familyrsquos sentiments That claim will be tested in court In a society where marriage remains deeply tied to family honour and social expectations why do some women choose deception or allegedly violence instead of simply saying no Why does ending a relationship seem harder than ending a lifeShivanshi Shivhare has felt firsthand the effects of the lack of communication She finds it triggering to watch the recent Lohagad murder case unfold because it reopens wounds that are barely two months oldAtul Subhash left behind an 81minute video talking about harassment by his wife and inlaws and the biased judicial system before he died by suicide PICXAurelius_CoreIn April this year her 27yearold brother Utkarsh Shivhare died by suicide after what the family describes as months of emotional turmoil following a breakdown in his marriage Utkarsh and his wife had been together for eight years before marrying Their marriage lasted a yearldquoThree months before his death things stopped working out between them It was a trivial disagreement like folding bedsheetsrdquo Shivanshi says According to her Utkarshrsquos wife left their home and returned to her hometown without explanation ldquoShe just left None of us were informed nor did we know anythingrdquo What followed she says was months of desperate attempts by Utkarsh to seek answers and reconciliation He repeatedly tried reaching out to her hoping for a conversation that never came ldquoMaybe she wanted out But she never gave him a clear no He kept waiting for an answer for some closure He went to meet her but was kicked out by his inlawsrdquoThe family alleges that on the day he died Utkarsh spent hours trying to contact her ldquoHe called her over a thousand times and sent messages saying he was going to take his liferdquo The allegations are now part of a police complaint filed by the family His wifersquos version of events has not been publicly established and the matter remains under investigationPost his death Shivanshi says Utkarshrsquos wife posted about missing him This draws a parallel to how Goyal too started posting about missing Agarwal ldquoShe had read the messages Utkarsh sent her which said he was going to take the drastic step If she had informed any of us he might have been alive todayrdquo she alleges He was found half an hour later ldquoShe didnrsquot even come to the funeral How is this not vindictiverdquo The despair is apparent in Shivanshirsquos voiceCases such as those involving Atul Subhash and Utkarsh she says highlight a growing conversation around menrsquos mental health and the emotional distress that can accompany relationship breakdowns ldquoI am not saying anyone should stay in a marriage they donrsquot want But people need to communicate Sometimes what destroys a person is not rejection itself but never getting an answer Utkarsh wanted to live He had plans for the futurerdquo Today Shivanshi is working on initiatives around menrsquos mental health However the loss and the grief remains rawlsquoIf a marriage isnrsquot working leaversquoA 51yearold recalls her toxic marriage and how she stood up for herself by getting a divorce at the age of 23For 51yearold Kiran Singh name changed cases of people allegedly killing partners because they feel trapped in a marriage are difficult to comprehend since she has come out of a similar situation herselfIn 1999 at the age of 23 Singh entered an arranged marriage Within months she discovered that her husband was a drug addict and was experiencing withdrawal symptoms mdash information that had never been disclosed to her before the weddingldquoI kept trying to adjust but after three or four months I knew I couldnrsquot live like thatrdquo she recalls One night after making up her mind she called her mother asking ldquoDo you want me to come home or should I go somewhere elserdquo The decision she says had already been made Four months after the wedding she walked out of the marriage and got divorcedLooking at cases where women are accused of plotting the deaths of their partners Singh believes the issue is often a lack of communication and support systems ldquoMaybe they feel nobody will understand themrdquo she says But she is unequivocal that feeling trapped is never a justification for violence ldquoI was unhappy too I felt pressured into marriage too But there is always a way outStand up Speak up If a marriage isnrsquot working leave But taking someonersquos life can never be the answerrdquo Singh did exactly that A year later she met the man who is now her husband of more than two decades Together they built a life and raised a sonlsquoLaw is not biased towards womenrsquoFamily law advocate Krishna Chheda explains that no law allows a woman to be left without financial support for humanitarian reasonsOn the question of if the law goes easy on women Family law advocate Krishna Chheda says ldquoIt is incorrect to assume that the law is biased towards women Special provisions relating to arrest procedures or pregnancy exist on humanitarian grounds not to shield women from accountabilityrdquoChheda also points out that women who wish to leave unhappy marriages have several legal protections available to them ldquoNo law allows a woman to be left without financial supportrdquo she says citing remedies under the BNSS Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act Hindu Marriage Act and Hindu Adoptions and Maintenance ActldquoGetting a divorce in India is not as complicated as people think The difficult part is convincing individuals to make that decision In many cases the social and emotional consequences of separation are far more intimidating than the legal process itselfrdquo she sayslsquoWomen committing murders is still rarersquoGender economist Mitali Nikore says that when women commit crime it is often in selfdefense or after prolonged abuseGender economist Mitali Nikore cautions against drawing sweeping conclusions from highprofile cases in which women are accused of extreme violence ldquoHistorically when women commit acts of serious violence it is often linked to selfdefence or prolonged abuserdquo she says ldquoWomen committing murders remains relatively rare whereas violence by men against women is far more commonrdquoNikore points to dowry deaths acid attacks and domestic violence as examples of the gendered nature of violence in India ldquoWhen a woman commits an extreme act it gets amplified because it challenges social expectations But we shouldnrsquot lose sight of the larger realityrdquoNikita Singhania Atul Subhashrsquos wife was arrested post his suicide for abetting suicide and was later given bail PICXSumitHansdHowever she believes economic independence is a far more significant factor Women who earn and participate in the workforce are often better positioned to choose partners leave unhappy relationships and make decisions without fear of financial dependenceShivanshi Shivhare lost her brother Utkarsh Shivhare to alleged mental harassment by the latterrsquos wife and inlawsldquoWhat society needs is a model where two adults enter a relationship on equal footingrdquo she says ldquoWhen women have financial independence they have more options And having more options is often what prevents people from feeling trapped in the first placerdquolsquoPeople think they can outsmart the systemrsquoCriminologist Madhava Soma Sundaram says that women commit fewer crimes but when they do it can be of a serious nature and often with a male accompliceCriminologist Madhava Soma Sundaram says that traditionally criminology has identified three broad motives behind many serious crimes ldquomoney revenge or sexrdquoldquoOne of the earliest theories in criminology was that women generally commit fewer crimes but when they do they can be extremely serious in nature Often there is a male accomplice involvedrdquo he says For Sundaram the central question in cases such as the Lohagad murder investigation is not what happened after the engagement but before it ldquoWhy did she agree to the marriage in the first place Was there family pressure Was her opinion ignored That is the milliondollar questionrdquoHe argues that most young women today have greater opportunities to express their choices ldquoThey can stop a marriage They can tell their parents They can communicate But in many recent cases that communication is not happeningrdquo On male accomplices Sundaram says emotional and sexual relationships often play a significant role ldquoA strong romantic or sexual bond can become a powerful motivatorrdquoAt the same time he believes many such crimes reflect immaturity ldquoPeople think they can outsmart the system They leave evidence everywhere and underestimate how investigations work In the end they destroy not only another personrsquos life but their own as wellrdquolsquoThe media amplifies crimes by womenrsquoAdvocate Persis Sidhva of RATI Foundation states that it would be reckless to draw conclusions in cases which are still under investigationAdvocate Persis Sidhva director of RATI Foundation argues that conversations around relationship violence often focus too narrowly on physical harm while overlooking emotional and psychological abuse As was seen in the cases of Utkarsh Shivhare and Atul SubhashldquoThe law is actually very clear on thisrdquo she says ldquoThe Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act recognises not just physical abuse but also verbal emotional mental economic and sexual abuse Unfortunately society police systems and the courts do not always view these forms of violence with the same seriousnessrdquo Sidhva cautions against drawing conclusions in cases that are still under investigationReferring to the Pune case she says it would be premature to assume guilt before the judicial process is complete She also believes public discourse tends to disproportionately focus on crimes allegedly committed by women ldquoEvery day women are dying in their homes Cases involving domestic violence dowryrelated abuse and violence by husbands and natal families continue to be reported in large numbers Yet when a woman is accused of a serious crime it receives enormous media attention because it is seen as unusualrdquoLohagad Fort near Pune where Ketan was allegedly murdered PICFACEBOOKINDIA Travel TourismSidhva makes a similar point about public outrage over bail orders ldquoPeople have reacted strongly to Sonam Raghuvanshi getting bail But many persons accused of murder and rape are also granted bail every day without attracting the same scrutiny Bail is a legal safeguard designed to protect individual liberty while ensuring the administration of justice It is not a determination of guilt or innocencerdquo