'I used to hide the heroin under the bed'

Actor Nargis Dutt shared a close relationship with Sanjay When she came out of coma after three months the first person she asked for was her son File picNargis Dutt fighting for life Sunil Dutt shatters screamed the headline of film weekly Screen India We were in a state of panic said Sanjay Dutt We couldnt believe that this was actually happening to us It was a crazy nightmare Something that happened in films or in novels or to someone else When dad signed the papers giving the doctors permission to operate on Mom I dreaded the fact that it could mean he was signing her death certificate It was horribleRanbir Kapoor is playing Dutt in a biopic on the actors controversial life The movie which is being directed by Rajkumar Hirani is slated to release in June this yearAs Nargiss severe internal bleeding continued the doctors had to open her up to stop the haemorrhaging But her body couldnt take it and Nargis went into a coma The doctors suggested more surgery but feared Nargis might die on the operating table Sunil Dutt felt helpless He was all alone and didnt want to take these decisions unilaterally He asked all three children to come to New York immediatelyKnowing how critical his mothers condition was Sanjay had tried to drop his drug habit for a few days But the withdrawal symptoms were too painful to bear So while the Dutt family was going through hell Sanjay was resorting to substance abuse every now and then The drugs had complete control over him and made him do reckless things When he had to go to the US with his sisters he wondered how he would keep his supply going He didnt want to go into withdrawal again What Sanjay did next still makes him sick to the stomach When I think about it I cant believe it I carried something like thirty grams of heroin in my shoes and my sisters were with me he recalled in a TV interviewView gallery Sanjay Dutt 24 photos of the Bollywood star you may not have seenSanjay has no memory of how he walked through immigration and customs and got out What if he was caught It would have been catastrophic for the Dutts at an already precarious time The three siblings went straight to the hospital Nargis was on life support hooked to numerous tubes and machines Sanjay was speechless seeing his mother like that His eyes brimmed with tears The only thing left for us to do was to pray says Sanjay We found a gurdwara a masjid and a mandir in New York City All the doctors used to laugh at us Dr Fortner even told us that if Mom survived he would convert himself into a HinduSunil Dutt prayed constantly He would circle the hospital building doing endless parikramas in prayer Every morning Sunil Dutt and the kids used to go to the hospital from their rented apartment in the city hoping for some good news But Nargis did not come out of coma There was nothing the Dutts could do Days would pass in a blur of hospital duties If someone made a valiant attempt to rally the others a stray tear would slip and pull everyone back down All of us were crying Dad had gone berserk At that moment I wanted nothing in the world no money no films no stardom no glamour no guns no friends only my mother How could I sit there and watch her go away I was so helpless I felt impotent said SanjayThe trauma was too much to bear and Sanjay would try to retreat into his druginduced cocoon I used to hide the heroin under the bed in the apartment in New York and one day I couldnt find it I came to know that dad had it And I had the guts to go up to him and say Give me my drugs back Sanjays behaviour shook Sunil to his core Sanjay later recalled with deep regret that he was even disallowed from donating blood for his mother because of his addictionThe family was in New York City for months but Sanjay had to return to Mumbai to finish Rocky I couldnt believe I had to come back and finish Rocky sing a song and do all that stuff when my mother was in coma But the show has to go on he later said Gulshan Rai the producer of Rocky was jittery that the project was stuck and the dates that the actors had earmarked for the film were going to waste Sunil had to ask his filmmaker friend Raj Khosla to step in as director of the film Patiently over several phone calls he explained all the scenes to Raj shot by shot and requested him to take on the film where he had left itAs the months passed Nargis underwent seven surgeries in total The doctors would frequently tell the family to let her go away in peace But Sunil and the children refused to give up on Nargis And then a miracle happened Sunil used to lovingly hold Nargiss hand for hours on end One day he felt her pressing his hand Almost three months after she went into coma Nargis opened her eyes Everyone in the hospital started calling her the miracle lady of Sloan KetteringWhen she came out of coma the first thing she asked was Where is Sanju Sunil proffered an excuse and phoned Sanjay to take the first flight out of Mumbai When Sanjay finally arrived Sunil told Nargis he had a surprise for her She closed her eyes and I walked in and I just said Ma Sanjay said Her face just changed She was so happy she was crying and she held me Her hands were shaking She just wanted to come back home Nargis was desperate to catch up and wanted to know everything about what was going on in Sanjays life and career Most of all she was really looking forward to finally seeing RockyAlso read Rajkumar Hiranis Sanjay Dutt biopic to release on June 29 2018Excerpted with permission from Sanjay Dutt The Crazy Untold Story of Bollywoods Bad Boy by Yasser Usman published by Juggernaut BooksCatch up on all the latest entertainment news and gossip here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates