To be or not to be

If you are someone who does not believe in the idea of New Year resolutions you might want to know whatrsquos happening on the other side of this trend The antiresolution and ldquotoberdquo movement are picking up over the last two years with people choosing to focus on the good parts of themselves instead of attempting to turn a new leafWhile ldquotoberdquo is a different way of approaching each day and goals focusing on what parts of yourself you want to bring forward antiresolution is a commitment to stop doing something that has been detrimental to youPeak performer strategist Arfeen Khan feels that most people quit their resolutions midway because ldquotheir real motivation is never clearrdquoAccording to Mumbaibased psychologist Purvi Shah this is a better step forward ldquobecause around 70 per cent of the time resolutions failrdquo ldquoPeople tend to set very unrealistic goals which they arenrsquot able to meet because it seems like self pressure rdquo she saysPeak performer strategist life and business coach and serial entrepreneur Arfeen Khan says the real reason why people quit their resolutions midway is because ldquotheir real motivation is never clear They only do it out of enthusiasmrdquo He says that ldquotoberdquo lists are mindful resolutions and will always work Elaborating he says ldquoIf I make a resolution to lose 10 kg this year the action that I would have to take is to go to the gym But if my mind is not strong enough and if I donrsquot have the focus and determination to complete it even the worldrsquos best trainer wonrsquot help me achieve that goalrdquo Tobe lists says Khan allows one to reframe the resolution So instead of focusing on the goal of shedding extra kilos you try and become ldquomore focused and resilientrdquo ldquoYou need to think of what kind of person you want to become in order to go to the gym every dayrdquoPurvi Shah and Sarang ChaudharShah who is also the founder of the mental health and life skills counselling organisation iPurviShah says that in the last two years of the lockdown ldquomindfulness and selfloverdquo have taken precedence ldquoPeople want more time for themselves to sit breathe and do nothing From that perspective the idea of resolutions has faded because no one wants to set materialistic goals They do not want to feel anxiousrdquoMumbaibased Sarang Chaudhar 23 who is currently pursuing his MBA from Xavierrsquos School of Management XLRI has kept resolutions in the past but says the exercise would drain him out These days he is focusing on being more honest with himself ldquoI donrsquot know how to measure the success of this but I do believe I have become a better person I just want to grow without any pressure of achieving a benchmarkrdquo he says This year he hopes to be ldquokinder and more compassionate but I will put myself firstrdquoKhan says ldquotobersquo lists are a phenomenal way of transforming oneself ldquoBut they should be characterdriven and not outcomebasedrdquo he feels adding ldquoWith the lsquotobersquo list always add an action otherwise it would be a dead list Instead of saying lsquoI have to be disciplined say I have to be disciplined by getting up at 6 am every morningrsquo If there is no action the list would be just like one of those positivethinking listsrdquoHow to make an effective lsquotobersquo list1 Be aware of the underlying reason2 Back your goal with compelling reasons3 Be aware of your strengths weaknesses and fears4 Your list should be characterdriven and not outcomebased5 Add specific actions to your list6 Avoid negative words