Don’t know if my wife is depressed

My wife is no longer interested in physical intimacy, and it just feels as if I am forcing her, which has prompted other issues in our marriage. We have been married for almost 11 years and have no children. There was no problem until now, but this has created a distance between us that is harder to manage. She is emotionally unavailable, and I don’t know if she is suffering from depression because she doesn’t talk about it. I want to try and help but can’t do anything if she doesn’t even tell me what is going wrong. I can’t speak to family or friends about this because they won’t interfere. What should I do?
You have acknowledged that there is distance, and you don’t know what to do, which implies that you both need professional advice. Emotional distance isn’t uncommon when one gets older and starts to deal with physical and hormonal changes that one isn’t always ready for. Your wife may not speak about it with you because she isn’t comfortable but may open up to her doctor or a counsellor. If physical intimacy is difficult, tell her that it’s okay, and that you’re willing to give her as much space as she needs to come to terms with her feelings. It is important to communicate, no matter what, because that alone can help you both manage the next phase of your lives. Ask her if she would like you to accompany her to a therapist, tell her she is important and you want her to get the help she needs, and give her time to open up if she isn’t comfortable. You are both dealing with something new, but this isn’t your first challenge as partners. Accept that you don’t have all the answers and wait until you start to understand what the other is going through. It may seem as if there is no headway being made, but that is only because you expect quick solutions where there may be none at the moment.

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