Dr Love with Mid-Day: He keeps me on tenterhooks!

My boyfriend and I have been having some tough times because he thinks it’s okay to toy with my emotions. On some days, he is incredibly sweet and on others, he tends to just dismiss everything I say. This has been going on for years. I used to think this was about his moods, but I have come to realise that he just behaves like this on purpose because he wants to keep me guessing about the future of this relationship. I think he looks at it as some sort of test I have to pass to see if I am capable of dealing with him. It feels unnecessarily cruel and I take it only because I love him and genuinely want to be with him. I don’t want him to keep testing me because it makes me worry about what the rest of our lives will be like. How do I get him to accept me the way I am without feeling like I have to prove something?
There is a stark difference between how you are both looking at this relationship and unless that difference is acknowledged, this isn’t going to be resolved. Your boyfriend’s need to test you is cruel, immature, and a red flag in a healthy relationship. If he loves you and wants to be with you, that ought to be enough. If he needs your emotions to be tested, this isn’t love as much as it is an exercise of control. It has no place in a relationship and is disrespectful towards you. Tell him it has to stop because there is no other way. To accept this and hope he will change is your prerogative, but the sooner this structure changes, the higher the chances of you both arriving at a place of mutual respect where you can work towards the same goals. If his expectations aren’t aligned with yours, this relationship will not get easier to manage with time, so think about that too while having a conversation about this.

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