I have been on the fence about my relationship for a while and it’s starting to bother my boyfriend a lot. We are approximately the same age and come from similar economic backgrounds. We began dating a year or so ago and he says he doesn’t feel secure with me because I don’t come across as someone who wants to commit to this relationship. I understand where he’s coming from because I often feel as if he takes this relationship a lot more seriously than I do, but I can’t help myself. I don’t think about him as often as he does about me, and it feels as if I won’t have a problem if we break up at some point. I know this makes me sound like a horrible, callous person, but I can’t force myself or pretend to be someone I am not. Does it make more sense for me to just end this instead of waiting to see if my feelings change? I’m confused.
Yes, it makes more sense to end this because you aren’t being fair to your partner. It’s okay to not commit and also okay to ask for time if you don’t know where this is going yet. It’s a problem if you don’t see any value in being with this person though, because building a relationship takes time, effort, and a common goal shared by two people. If you have mismatched expectations and you don’t mind not being with your partner, the sooner you both go your separate ways, the better it may be. Take time to figure out what you’re looking for, be transparent about your feelings, and if your partner still wants to be with you, at least it will be with a clear sense of what you are both signing up for. If he isn’t on board with this, what starts off as disappointment can turn into resentment. Tell him why this doesn’t have a future and have an open conversation about what you both think makes sense.

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