I am a 23-year-old in a relationship with a guy who is around two years older. We get along fine and have been dating for almost two years now, but it’s starting to feel as if we’re becoming friends more than romantic partners. When we meet, we chat about our lives and share a little about what’s happening at our homes, but there doesn’t seem to be any depth to these conversations. It sometimes makes me feel as if I am talking to someone at work rather than to my boyfriend. He doesn’t seem to mind but I am questioning it a lot and comparing it to what I see other couples around me talk about. There appears to be more closeness among them that I can’t find in this relationship. Should I assume this is not a long-term thing and that I should be with someone I can feel a deeper connection with?
First of all, comparing your relationship with what you see outside it is unfair because you can’t possibly know what another relationship is like. You are entitled to feeling as if there is no depth to your conversations with your boyfriend, but that is unconnected to what other people are saying or doing in their own lives. You and your boyfriend alone are qualified to examine the nature of your relationship and figure out if there is something that needs to be worked on. Secondly, the possibility of any relationship evolving into something deeper depends entirely upon how much goes into it. You should start by telling your boyfriend how you feel about these meetings and why they seem inadequate. Without emotional honesty, there can’t be acknowledgement or the will to change. If these conversations don’t lead to differences in how you communicate, that is when you should ask yourself tougher questions about what you want and whether your needs are being met. Ending a relationship is easy, but building a new one won’t happen without more awareness about what you’re looking for.

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