It’s also a sign that either you or your girlfriend aren’t being able to articulate how you really feel.
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 23-year-old guy and just began dating a few months ago. My girlfriend tends to get angry when I go out with friends because she thinks I should take her with me. I did this a few times, but it made it hard for my friends because they felt as if they were forced to spend time with her. I understand where they are coming from, but don’t know how to explain this to my girlfriend. She already thinks they don’t like her and that is making it hard for me because she gets angry when I mention them. I have had the same friends since school and can’t imagine my life without them. If this continues, I don’t know how I will be able to manage a relationship and continue being with my friends. How do I choose?
You don’t have to choose. These are all adults and your relationship with each of them can and should be managed with clarity. You want to spend time with friends and need to make your girlfriend understand that. Relationships that work depend upon mutual respect as well as respect for boundaries. If your friends aren’t comfortable around your girlfriend, the best thing for everyone is to keep these encounters separate. No one should be forced to spend time with someone if they don’t want to, and your girlfriend should be okay with that if she accepts that these people are important to you. This is also a matter of time, because people need to be comfortable around each other and that is an organic process. Ask for patience, and trust in the fact that your girlfriend and friends will find a way of getting along in their own way, without your intervention. If it gets to a point where you are asked to choose, that is a sign that there is some maturity lacking in this relationship. It’s also a sign that either you or your girlfriend aren’t being able to articulate how you really feel.
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