I have been with someone for around five years even though we are in relationships with other people. We have commitments that prevent us from being together officially, but the pain of managing this has been hard. I know he loves me, but I also know that I can’t rely on him if something happens because we aren’t allowed to be open about our relationship. This gets harder to manage with every year because we are getting older. I don’t know how I will be able to live this separate life in the years to come and the thought of pretending terrifies and saddens me. Should I let go of the only person I love if there is no way of changing our situation?
You know better than anyone else that this isn’t tenable for too long because there are more cons than pros. Being in love may not matter if you can’t express it freely. It’s also important to keep in mind that there are two other people involved, neither of whom has anything to do with this secret relationship. If there is no solution, and you can’t imagine a future with this person, ask yourself if you are prepared to pay the price that pretence inevitably brings. If you can’t be with someone openly, and are compelled to live a double life, what exactly are you getting from this arrangement and is it worth it? Also, is it fair to the people you are both officially with? This isn’t about legal or moral issues as much as it is about living with honesty. Love thrives in openness, and you both owe it to yourself to live more open, fulfilling lives. If this can’t be done, and you know what the cost is, letting go may be a temporary pain compared to what you are settling for in the long run. This may not be an easy decision to make but you may find a bit of clarity if you are realistic about the years to come.

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