My boyfriend has been struggling with his mental health because his parents are getting a divorce. I knew this was going to be hard for him, but the problem is he takes out a lot of his frustration on me. I have tried to be understanding and patient but it’s sometimes hard to be so forgiving because I have bad days, too. He apologises a lot and says he knows he’s being unreasonable, but he also can’t seem to make any change for the better. If this continues, I don’t know if I will be able to continue in this relationship. He says it will be much better when his family issues are resolved but neither of us knows how long that will take, and the implication is that I must simply accept his behaviour and forgive him. What should I do?
You have to do what is right for you, because this isn’t a situation that appears to be fair to you. Your boyfriend may be going through something difficult and is entitled to deal with it in any way he sees fit, provided that doesn’t have an adverse impact on you. The onus of mutual respect is on both of you, and he appears to have ignored that if he apologises without making any attempt to change. There are ways of coping, and if he doesn’t have access to them, he can always speak to a professional. If he isn’t doing that and only asks for patience without a plan, it isn’t going to be long before you re-evaluate what you’re getting out of this relationship. Speak to him about why this is unfair, explain that there are limits to your empathy, and insist on better behaviour. If this doesn’t lead to anything positive, ask yourself if you are willing to put up with it for an indefinite period and think about what that means for your well-being. All relationships have challenges to overcome, but it is a partnership and that always needs to be reiterated.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com