Talk to him, tell him why you feel the way you do, and you can both come up with a solution that may alleviate those fears, if not eliminate them altogether
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been in a steady relationship for five years, and my boyfriend has never mentioned the possibility of us marrying. I haven’t asked either because it’s not a priority, and because we love our situation, but I sometimes worry about the pros and cons of this approach. We love each other and are committed to spending the rest of our lives together, but this also means one of us can simply walk away if things go wrong and there is no formal arrangement to prevent that. I don’t want to marry him just for this reason, but I am starting to think about it as I get older as I don’t know what the future holds. What should I do?
You should start by telling him your fears because that is what every solid relationship is built upon — the ability to be honest and open. Your fears are completely valid, although you have to consider that any formal arrangement means little if someone decides to walk away from any relationship. At the very least, it can act as a financial safeguard that has some legal implications. To question any relationship as one gets older is normal and expected because we constantly evolve as individuals as well as partners. Talk to him, tell him why you feel the way you do, and you can both come up with a solution that may alleviate those fears, if not eliminate them altogether.
Should I tell my boyfriend’s parents to stop interfering in our lives, without telling him that I am having that conversation with them? I believe I have to take this stand before they destroy our relationship.
If you can’t tell your boyfriend what the problem is, how do you expect his parents to understand where you’re coming from? It may make more sense for you both to speak to them together, once he gets a sense of how you feel.
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