My boyfriend and I have recurring arguments regarding the comments he makes about other women. I don’t think he realises how offensive he can be, and he thinks I should be okay with this just because he treats me with respect. We love each other a lot, but there is a fundamental difference in what we believe, and I am starting to doubt the possibility of a long-term commitment with him. We have been in a relationship for four years now and our families are starting to think we will marry. I am sure he feels the same way, too, but I wonder what will happen if we have children and he brings this attitude towards raising them, too. What if we have a daughter and he doesn’t know how to let her be? These thoughts keep me up at night and I am always confused. Am I overthinking this and ruining my future for the wrong reasons? Should I assume he will change after becoming a parent?
There’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling, nor should you dismiss it as overthinking given that your concerns are valid when it comes to your future as well as a lifelong commitment. When people repeatedly tell you who they are, you should listen to them. If your boyfriend hasn’t changed his attitude, he hasn’t been listening, and no relationship can evolve if people aren’t listening to each other. How he treats you is important, of course, but that doesn’t give him a free pass to treat everyone else badly. Four years is a long time to be with someone and not evolve in any way. It’s another sign you should consider because you will keep changing, and chances are he may not. That sort of mismatch starts to have a negative impact over time. Your concerns about parenting are also valid, because these are critical decisions that affect not just you but the children you choose to bring into the world. If this continues to bother you, take it seriously.

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