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His attitude to money irritates me

If he values his friendship with you, he shouldn’t have a problem accepting this condition

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Illustration/Uday Mohite

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My best friend has a problem with money, which always ends up creating friction between us. I know I am probably blowing this out of proportion, but it happens all the time and it has often made it hard for me to accept him. He knows I work constantly and save carefully, while he is very casual with his funds and always spends more than he earns. I have come to the conclusion that if I don’t stop lending him money, our friendship isn’t going to last long. How do I give him this message without causing any pain? I love him a lot and we have been friends for many years.
Love means being able to make tough decisions if they have a positive impact. This isn’t about blowing anything out of proportion; it’s about your friend not being able to respect the rules you set for yourself. If it’s his money and he chooses to be reckless with it, that is his prerogative. If it’s yours, you alone get to decide how or when it can or should be spent. If that causes friction, it is unavoidable but also necessary. To ignore it is to set yourself up for resentment which will eventually ruin your friendship anyway. Ask your friend to figure out what his priorities are. If he values his friendship with you, he shouldn’t have a problem accepting this condition.

Is it okay to love someone and avoid their family if you think they are strange? My husband has very weird interactions with his siblings and their spouses, and I just don’t get along with them. What should I do?
You should tell your husband why you feel the way you do and restrict your interactions with his family if they get in the way of your relationship with your husband. As an adult, you should be able to do whatever it takes to avoid unnecessary confrontation, and he shouldn’t have a problem with this if he understands and accepts your rationale behind it.

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