His relatives make me feel horrible!

If it gets to be too much, you can always insist on a break from them too, because he needs to respect your needs the way you respect his. Either way, this doesn’t have to be a reason for your relationship to fail, because it’s how you get along with him that matters

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I are great together, but he has family reunions every year that end up causing a lot of problems in our relationship. He meets his extended family for all major festivals because they are very close, but there is always some relative who ends up making me feel horrible because they don’t consider me part of their family. It feels as if I am not welcome unless I am officially part of them by way of marriage. My boyfriend is aware of this and knows it puts too much pressure on me, but he insists that I come along because he says it’s important that they get to know me better. On the one hand, I want to know his family. On the other, I worry that they may be the reason why my relationship will fail. How do I resolve this?
You have to find a way of balancing both needs. Your boyfriend may want you to get to know his family, which is good, but you have to try and keep your relationship with him separate from this because the two of you alone can decide if and when you want it to evolve into something more serious. Ignoring his family or cutting them out is not a great idea because it may seem like an easy way out but will inadvertently create some problems if things get serious between you two. Think of it as a small price to pay, a few times a year, to keep your boyfriend happy. Compromises like these are a testing ground for any relationship, and you can always come up with a solution that allows you to attend two reunions instead of four. If it gets to be too much, you can always insist on a break from them too, because he needs to respect your needs the way you respect his. Either way, this doesn’t have to be a reason for your relationship to fail, because it’s how you get along with him that matters.

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