I feel like I am his back-up plan!

I am a 32-year old woman in a long-distance relationship with a guy who is four years older. We were supposed to be married before he left to work in another city, but that was postponed because this was a great break for his career. I have been pushing him to commit to an engagement, if not a wedding, because I need some kind of security if I have to keep putting in the work to make sure this relationship is stable. He keeps telling me not to worry, but I don’t know how much longer I can hold on. My parents aren’t putting any pressure on me, but I keep insisting on this because I am starting to feel as if I am being taken for granted, and as if I am a back-up plan if he doesn’t find someone in this new city. I don’t know why I feel this way, but his attitude makes me question this at times and it’s not a nice feeling. Am I overreacting? Should I just give him the time he needs?
You’re not overreacting because you can’t force yourself to think or feel differently. If you feel insecure, that is normal in a long-distance relationship, more so because he refuses to give you any idea about his expectations for the future. If he can’t commit, and you need him to, there is obviously a discrepancy between how you both treat this. It’s not nice to feel like a back-up plan, and he needs to know why you are pushing for clarity. If he can’t offer it to you, it’s obvious that he doesn’t know what he wants yet. At that point, what you choose to do is entirely up to you, because it is your life and your future on the line. If you can’t wait for much longer, you owe it to yourself to do what it takes to get to a more secure place, even if this means finding someone else who can offer that to you.

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