Tell your wife how you feel before resentment sets in and talk about a compromise that may allow you both to find a more effective work-life balance
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I had a serious fight with my brother two months ago and haven’t spoken to him since. We have never been very close so this doesn’t bother me, but we have a wedding in the family that is coming up and I am under a lot of pressure to attend. I want to avoid it because I don’t want to see him and get into anything unpleasant, but I am being forced to attend and don’t know what to do. Is it better for my mental health to stay away from the function but risk ruining my relationship with other family members? I feel that they just don’t get how bad things are between my brother and myself.
It is always important to put your mental health first, of course, but there are other implications here that can lead to a loss of much needed emotional support down the road. To avoid an issue or confrontation is easy but doesn’t resolve anything. You may not need to maintain a relationship with your brother, but that has to be treated as separate from your individual relationships with everyone else in your family. The more sensible thing to do is to focus on relationships that do work, the ones that aren’t toxic, and to nurture those. In time, they may help you and your brother understand each other better too. Even if that doesn’t happen, this event is about more than just your relationship with your brother and should be treated as such.
My wife refuses to work full-time even though she knows we have financial issues. I respect her decision, but also think it’s unfair that she puts so much pressure on me. It’s not as if I enjoy working, but I just don’t complain.
Marriages that work are those built on the premise of partnership and a sharing of responsibilities. Tell your wife how you feel before resentment sets in and talk about a compromise that may allow you both to find a more effective work-life balance.
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