I’m so afraid she will leave me...

I am a 27-year-old guy and have been dating a girl my age for around four months. We like each other a lot, but our personalities are very different. She is more friendly and outgoing, while I tend to be an introvert and don’t like speaking to people often. I have a constant worry that she will leave me for someone as friendly as she is, which is why I get paranoid whenever she is on the phone with someone. I keep imagining her having conversations with a guy who will be more interesting than me, and this makes me say nasty things to her about her phone calls. She laughs it off and says I am insecure, but my paranoia will only make me say harsher things if I don’t control this. What should I do?
You seem like someone who is quite aware of where you stand, and what you’re like. You have clearly explained what the problem is, identified your behaviour as paranoid, and recognise that continuing down this path can lead to you hurting your girlfriend. Why not use this capacity for analysis to change your priorities and look at what is important in your life? Think about your girlfriend, why you like being with her, and why you think she chooses to be with you despite the obvious differences when it comes to your individual personalities. Being insecure is normal but so is acknowledging that relationships are built on acceptance, not criticism. Accept that your girlfriend has chosen to be with you because she wants to, and that she can be with someone else no matter what you do if that is what she chooses. Try and focus on strengthening the bond between you two instead of worrying about the worst that might happen. Also, as an adult with a life of her own, learn to accept that she is entitled to drawing boundaries when it comes to her personal life, just as you are, and her phone calls are her prerogative.

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