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My needs are always ignored

This depends upon your feelings for each other, and whether you want him in your life or not. If you do, there are always ways of coping with distance

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Illustration/Uday Mohite

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My wife and I have been married for eight years and our physical intimacy has only dwindled in that time. She is not interested in sex and my needs are almost always ignored. This causes a lot of friction between us because I feel as if my wants are of no importance to her. She doesn’t take them seriously. Our marriage is still strong because we love each other, but this is too important to ignore, and it is frustrating to always feel as if I am forcing her to do something she doesn’t want to. She does it out of some misplaced sense of duty that doesn’t lead to any pleasure for either of us. I recently asked if we should speak to a sex counsellor or therapist, and she said there was no need because this was normal for any long-term relationship. Should I just change my expectations?
Your wife may have specific ideas about what is or isn’t normal, but the fact remains that there is a mismatch between your expectations and hers. If you don’t address this and arrive at a compromise that works, your marriage will suffer irrespective of how each of you tries to look at it. Physical intimacy is a critical aspect of any relationship, and there is no reason why a therapist or professional shouldn’t be involved. At the very least, it should allow you to be more vocal about what is causing you such distress.

I recently agreed to a long distance relationship and am wondering if I made a huge mistake because I don’t know how I will be able to cope. He won’t see me for another year, and I don’t know if I have just signed up for something that will make me feel alone and miserable. Should I end it before things become difficult?
This depends upon your feelings for each other, and whether you want him in your life or not. If you do, there are always ways of coping with distance.

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