Should I call off this engagement or am I just panicking and doubting everything between us?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I agreed to my boyfriend’s proposal a few weeks ago because he had been asking me for a few months, but I still feel as if I am not ready. We have been together for a year-and-a-half, and I don’t want to commit just yet because I think we have more time. He wants to because he is insecure and worries that I may leave him. I tried to postpone this conversation for a while, but there was a lot of pressure, and it felt as if he wanted me to say yes just so he could tell his parents that we were serious about each other. I love him a lot, but this feels like emotional blackmail, and it is starting to make me question everything about him. Should I call off this engagement or am I just panicking and doubting everything between us?
If you’re not comfortable about where things stand between you and your boyfriend, you have every right to take as much time as you need until you arrive at a position of clarity. Panic is a natural reaction to any potentially life-altering decision, but any doubts you have should fade away after a while. If they don’t, and you continue to question your commitment to this relationship, having an honest conversation is important for yourself as well as your boyfriend. To refer to something as emotional blackmail is a sign that this isn’t a smooth, seamless evolution of your relationship, so take some time out, if necessary, discuss it with family and friends, and go back to him with your concerns that you can both address together. Committing to something just because your partner is afraid to lose you isn’t reason enough because it may lead to resentment on your part in the future, and the sooner he understands that too, the better it will be for you both. Speak up without fear because this isn’t a small decision, and you deserve to be comfortable with it before moving forward.
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