She doesn’t want kids, but I do...

A few months ago, my girlfriend and I were casually talking about things like family, parenting, and children, and she mentioned not wanting to have a child ever. This was a shock to me because I always thought of her as someone I would eventually have a family with. We have been together for over three years now, and I have been thinking of proposing to her for almost a year. That statement has completely thrown me though, because I don’t know if this is the kind of future I want to sign up for. I love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her, but I also want a family and children and can’t be with someone who doesn’t share that idea. Should I end this relationship? It will break my heart, but I can no longer see an option. I don’t want to do it, but how can I continue?
The idea of spending time together and strengthening a relationship involves having difficult conversations that take time to evolve. You and your girlfriend have different ideas about life and your future, which is perfectly acceptable because you are individuals with minds of your own. You are reacting to her statement but haven’t said anything about why she feels the way she does. You may want a family and children and an idea of what this means in your head, but that doesn’t dismiss or diminish her own picture of what the future looks like. If you love each other and have considered living together for the rest of your lives, there is presumably something deeper in this relationship that binds you to each other. Start at that point, along with whether she sees you as a life partner to begin with, and then initiate conversations about what she thinks her future with you will be like. Ending something is always easy but building a relationship that lasts takes time and effort, which only two people committed to the idea can pull off.

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