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She thinks I don’t really love her...

I am constantly stressed because it feels as if I have to make time for her while knowing I don’t have it. How do I resolve this?

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Illustration/Uday Mohite

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend always asks for more attention than I am capable of giving and thinks I don’t love her if I fail in any way. It’s not as if I don’t want to chat with her or spend more time together, but I have familial and professional commitments she is aware of. I was clear about this from the start of our relationship, and she appeared to be fine with it for the first few months. Since then, it has become a daily argument about how many times I call, how many hours I spend with her on weekends, and why I am not doing enough to make this relationship work. I am constantly stressed because it feels as if I have to make time for her while knowing I don’t have it. How do I resolve this?

If there is a serious mismatch between your individual expectations from this relationship, that is what you should have a conversation about because spending time together is just one aspect of what may be a bigger problem. There’s nothing wrong with your girlfriend wanting more attention and demanding it, but your inability to reach a compromise that works can cause harm to both of you. Forcing yourself to do what you can’t will lead to resentment. It may be time to have a talk about whether this is working for either of you because if you want it to, there will have to be a compromise that satisfies you both.

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