I am 23 years old and have an ex whom I dated for eight years. He cheated on me and hid it for three months after the end of our relationship, then kept making me question my own actions even though it was his fault. When I found out, I stopped contacting him. We were very close, and our families were also involved, so it was hard to break the bond completely, but we managed to stay apart. He still calls out of the blue every other month whenever he feels low, because I comfort him. It feels like some default response on my part. He recently called to say he had ended his relationship with that other girl because things didn’t work out between us. He is adamant that things won’t work out between us but wants to stay friends. We were good friends and I liked interacting with him but, whenever I see him, I am reminded of that hurt and can’t understand if it’s a good idea to stay in touch. Should I just be rude and ignore his calls?
— Sharan K

There is a lot going on here, and the thing to do is separate your feelings for this person from your emotional well-being. If seeing him triggers unhappiness based on how things ended, it is a sign that this isn’t good for you. Consoling him is not your duty because you are not in a relationship with him anymore. It may take you a long time to come to terms with what has happened and arrive at a place of equanimity that allows you to rekindle your friendship, and it is obvious that you are not in that position yet. Why not tell him that you would like to stay friends, but only when you feel strong enough? If he disagrees, ask yourself if he really has your best interests at heart. You alone can take charge of how you want to feel, and drawing boundaries is the first step.