It feels as if I have lost the ability to trust anyone. What do I do to get over this and have a normal life?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I have been trying to get over a failed relationship but nothing I do seems to have an impact. I don’t miss my ex-boyfriend because we had a lot of issues, but it caused me so much pain that I have not been able to process why I put myself through that for as long as I did. My friends tell me to start dating again because they believe it is the easiest way of getting over what happened, but whenever I consider meeting someone, I am afraid that they may be pretending to be nice and may end up causing more harm to my already fragile state. It feels as if I have lost the ability to trust anyone. What do I do to get over this and have a normal life?
Nothing you’re going through is out of the ordinary for anyone who has been through a difficult relationship. It is normal and natural to experience not just grief and pain, but the erasure of trust you mention. It is also difficult to consider meeting anyone given that you haven’t had much time to heal. Dating again may act as a distraction, but it does nothing to address the fact that you’re still grieving. Tell yourself that it’s okay to be in pain, and also that this isn’t a permanent condition. You will know when you’re ready to go out again, because we are all primed in some way to seek love and companionship. Until that happens, allow yourself the time to heal. It will be difficult, but it will not last.
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My boyfriend and I are thinking of a non-monogamous relationship, and I don’t know if this is a smart idea because it may end up damaging everything between us. I am open to it but also wary. Should I go ahead with it?
Relationships can be damaged in all kinds of ways if the bond between two people isn’t as strong as they think it is. Weigh the pros and cons as adults first.
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