27 September,2026 02:08 PM IST | Mumbai | mid-day online correspondent
Image for representational purpose only. Photo Courtesy: File pic
Two people, on a second-chance journey, coming out of the post-divorce aftermath, meet. People expect it to be magical, and it is.
However sometimes, even in that perfect love story, there can be a looming shadow of a third person: the ex-spouse. Not intentionally, emotionally, or romantically, but through shared history, family connections, children, social circle, old routines, and unfinished business.
In a survey, over 9,000 divorced Indians who are looking for love again shared that the challenge is not only finding the right partner, but also finding someone who is not threatened by their past and understands that it does not influence their present, even if it keeps popping up now and again.
The survey by Indian matchmaking app Rebounce highlights why boundaries with an ex-partner and understanding with the present partner are becoming a crucial step before re-entering a relationship once again. The study involves 9,283 previously married singles divorced for over two years. The respondents ranged in age between 30 and 40 years from metro and suburban regions for a comprehensive understanding of the ex-effect based on various factors.
The app's founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, said, "Second-chance seekers rarely ask their matches to erase their past. It's unreasonable. They usually seek clarity about how much space their past occupies. Usually, a remarriage works out perfectly when two people acknowledge each other's history without letting it become a permanent member of their present."
About 47 per cent of divorced singles above 35 years of age said that the biggest misconception about boundaries with an ex-spouse is that it immediately means no contact. That's not how it works, especially for co-parents. "Some level of interaction is simply unavoidable," commented Ruchika, divorced mother of an 8-year-old. Participants explained that the important question is not how much contact, but rather how much access the ex-partner has to the person's emotional and daily life. Nearly 31 per cent of these singles revealed that they occasionally get in touch with their ex when it comes to children's school events, joint legal and property matters, and also at times for long-standing family ties. These are entirely different from calling an ex-partner whenever there is a personal emotional crisis. That's where most divorced singles draw the line. The distinction lies in whether the interaction is for an existing shared responsibility or emotional dependency.
Things take a nasty turn in a new relationship when decisions that should be made as a couple are quietly influenced by habits formed in the previous marriage, said around 3,384 divorced singles from Tier 1, 2, and 3 cities. How festivals are celebrated, how much time is spent with families, how much day-to-day information is shared or even how conflicts are handled can carry traces of the last marriage dynamics. Aditya, 37, from Mumbai, said, "Sometimes, in relationships where your partner's old habits never died, it can feel like you are not just negotiating with your partner but with all the expectations they inherited from their last marriage. Happened to me once with a match, and it's never a good feeling." Respondents said that a clear boundary is extremely important in such cases: the past can define some traits you have in the present, but it should never dictate the rhythm of the new relationship.
One of the most mature boundaries regarding the ex-part of the equation is understanding that closure does not require hostility. The survey found 7 in 10 Indian divorcees revealed that they still have their wedding photos with their ex-partner. The survey revealed that 36 per cent of divorcees between 30 and 40 years of age, disclosed that they have familiar places, events, and memories that hold a soft corner of their hearts, without hampering the present relationship. Most of these singles explained that a new partner who forces them to erase their past insults their loyalty to the present.
