New relationship survey reveals why divorced Indians say it impossible to stay away from their ex-partner

Two people on a secondchance journey coming out of the postdivorce aftermath meet People expect it to be magical and it isHowever sometimes even in that perfect love story there can be a looming shadow of a third person the exspouse Not intentionally emotionally or romantically but through shared history family connections children social circle old routines and unfinished businessIn a survey over 9000 divorced Indians who are looking for love again shared that the challenge is not only finding the right partner but also finding someone who is not threatened by their past and understands that it does not influence their present even if it keeps popping up now and againThe survey by Indian matchmaking app Rebounce highlights why boundaries with an expartner and understanding with the present partner are becoming a crucial step before reentering a relationship once again The study involves 9283 previously married singles divorced for over two years The respondents ranged in age between 30 and 40 years from metro and suburban regions for a comprehensive understanding of the exeffect based on various factorsThe apps founder and CEO Ravi Mittal said Secondchance seekers rarely ask their matches to erase their past Its unreasonable They usually seek clarity about how much space their past occupies Usually a remarriage works out perfectly when two people acknowledge each others history without letting it become a permanent member of their presentBoundary of access not contactAbout 47 per cent of divorced singles above 35 years of age said that the biggest misconception about boundaries with an exspouse is that it immediately means no contact Thats not how it works especially for coparents Some level of interaction is simply unavoidable commented Ruchika divorced mother of an 8yearold Participants explained that the important question is not how much contact but rather how much access the expartner has to the persons emotional and daily life Nearly 31 per cent of these singles revealed that they occasionally get in touch with their ex when it comes to childrens school events joint legal and property matters and also at times for longstanding family ties These are entirely different from calling an expartner whenever there is a personal emotional crisis Thats where most divorced singles draw the line The distinction lies in whether the interaction is for an existing shared responsibility or emotional dependencyEx and Relationship shouldnt take the same seatThings take a nasty turn in a new relationship when decisions that should be made as a couple are quietly influenced by habits formed in the previous marriage said around 3384 divorced singles from Tier 1 2 and 3 cities How festivals are celebrated how much time is spent with families how much daytoday information is shared or even how conflicts are handled can carry traces of the last marriage dynamics Aditya 37 from Mumbai said Sometimes in relationships where your partners old habits never died it can feel like you are not just negotiating with your partner but with all the expectations they inherited from their last marriage Happened to me once with a match and its never a good feeling Respondents said that a clear boundary is extremely important in such cases the past can define some traits you have in the present but it should never dictate the rhythm of the new relationshipClosure but not erasing historyOne of the most mature boundaries regarding the expart of the equation is understanding that closure does not require hostility The survey found 7 in 10 Indian divorcees revealed that they still have their wedding photos with their expartner The survey revealed that 36 per cent of divorcees between 30 and 40 years of age disclosed that they have familiar places events and memories that hold a soft corner of their hearts without hampering the present relationship Most of these singles explained that a new partner who forces them to erase their past insults their loyalty to the present