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Married people who cheat on their partners don't regret it: Study

Married people who have affairs find them extremely satisfying, express little remorse and believe the cheating did not harm their otherwise healthy marriages, according to a new analysis about the psychology of infidelity. The extensive survey of people using Ashley Madison, a website for facilitating extramarital affairs, challenges widely held notions about infidelity, particularly about cheaters' motivations and experiences. The work is newly published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. "In popular media, television shows and movies and books, people who have affairs have this intense moral guilt and we don't see that in this sample of participants," said lead author Dylan Selterman, an associate teaching professor in Johns Hopkins University's Department of Psychological & Brain Sciences who studies relationships and attraction. "Ratings for satisfaction with affairs was high - sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction. And feelings of regret were low. These findings paint a more complicated picture of infidelity compared to what we thought we knew." Researchers conducted this study to better understand the psychological experiences of those who seek and engage in extramarital affairs. Working with researchers at the University of Western Ontario, Selterman surveyed nearly 2,000 active users of Ashley Madison, before and after they had affairs. Participants were asked about the state of their marriage, about why they wanted to have an affair, and about their general well-being. Respondents, generally middle aged and male, reported high levels of love for their partners, yet low levels of sexual satisfaction. Participants reported high levels of love for their spouses, yet about half of the participants said that they were not sexually active with their partners. Sexual dissatisfaction was the top-cited motivation to have an affair, with other motivations including the desire for independence and for sexual variety. Fundamental problems with the relationship, like lack of love or anger toward a spouse were among the least-cited reasons for wanting to cheat. Having great marriages didn't make cheaters any more likely to regret affairs, the survey found. Participants generally reported that their affair was highly satisfying both sexually and emotionally, and that they did not regret having it. The results suggest that infidelity isn't necessarily the result of a deeper problem in the relationship, Selterman said. Participants sought affairs because they wanted novel, exciting sexual experiences, or sometimes because they didn't feel a strong commitment to their partners, rather than because of a need for emotional fulfillment, the report found. "People have a diversity of motivations to cheat," Selterman said. "Sometimes they'll cheat even if their relationships are pretty good. We don't see solid evidence here that people's affairs are associated with lower relationship quality or lower life satisfaction." Selterman hopes to advance this work by looking closer at how other populations of cheaters compare to the Ashley Madison population. "The take-home point for me is that maintaining monogamy or sexual exclusivity especially across people's lifespans is really, really hard and I think people take monogamy for granted when they're committed to someone in a marriage. People just assume that their partners are going to be totally satisfied having sex with one person for the next 50 years of their lives but a lot of people fail at it. It doesn't mean everyone's relationship is doomed, it means that cheating might be a common part of people's relationships."Also Read: WHO creates new global network to detect, prevent infectious disease threat This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

24 May,2023 09:29 AM IST | Washington | ANI
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Top 5 actions to identify signs of infidelity

Infidelity can be a devastating event for those affected. It's a subject that has sparked a lot of debate over time and contributed to the dissolution of numerous marriages and relationships. The concept of infidelity has evolved over time, though, blurring the boundaries between what is acceptable and what is not. In March 2023, Gleeden, the first women-led discreet dating app, conducted research on India's shifting views on marriage, adultery, and other cultural conventions. The study, conducted in February 2023 by the renowned international market research and public opinion specialist Ipsos, polled 1,503 married Indians between the ages of 25 and 50 from Tier 1 and Tier 2 cities. The study uncovered some of the most popular and recent love customs that Indians are embracing, including infidelity. "More and more couples are starting to reject the idea of conventional monogamous partnerships, embracing a new idea of a relationship that is able to give them the flexibility to explore their sexuality. The shift in perspective on relationships in Indian society is a good example of the country's acceptance of individuality and personal autonomy. Contrary to popular opinion, a recent study revealed that Indians have a strong propensity for exploration, with over 60 per cent of them having tried swinging and other unconventional forms of dating," says Sybil Shiddell, Gleeden, an extramarital dating app, India's country manager. The survey clearly demonstrates how Indians are far from conventional and enjoy experimenting and self-expressing in the bedroom, frequently in tandem with their partners." Switching Up the SheetsInfidelity is often indicated by the act of engaging in sexual intercourse with someone other than one's partner, which can take the form of a one-night stand or a full-blown affair outside of the relationship. The survey results indicate that 39 per cent of women have had thoughts of engaging in sexual activity with someone other than their partner. In particular, the survey found that 52 per cent of women from Kolkata, 42 per cent from Delhi, and 40 per cent from Mumbai have expressed interest in such activities, while 40 per cent from Ludhiana, 39 per cent from Jaipur, and 38 per cent from Ahmedabad have also indicated that they have considered or acted on infidelity. Swingin' Solo but outside the Relationship BoxInfidelity can take on different forms, including platonic relationships outside of the existing partnership. This involves engaging romantic moments with someone other than your current partner, such as sharing deep conversations, tender touches, or emotionally private experiences. Surprisingly, the survey found that 46 per cent of men are inclined towards seeking this kind of connection outside of their official relationships. Additionally, individuals aged 36-50 years old display a higher inclination towards this behaviour, with 48 per cent falling in this category. Moreover, different cities show varying rates of infidelity, including a staggering 52 per cent in Kolkata, 38 per cent in Delhi, 40 per cent in Mumbai, 44 per cent in Kochi, 45 per cent in Ludhiana, and 40 per cent in Ahmedabad. When Forbidden Temptations Meet Virtual ConnectionsIn today's world, a large number of people engage in online flirting using various communication methods such as text messaging, chat, and email. Virtual flirting involves activities like sexting, sending flirty emojis, and exchanging intimate messages with individuals who are not one's current partner. According to the survey, 36 per cent of women and 35 per cent of men are drawn towards virtual flirting. The statistics reveal that 34 per cent of people from Mumbai, 35 per cent from Delhi, and 32 per cent from Kolkata fall into Tier 1 cities. In Tier 2 cities, 35 per cent of respondents from Kochi, 31 per cent from Ludhiana, and 29 per cent from Indore have revealed some astounding results. Getting your Flirt onFlirting with somebody other than one's current partner in public could become for some another act of infidelity. This behaviour may involve sharing suggestive looks, making provocative comments, or even engaging in physical contact. Although flirting can start out as harmless amusement, it can quickly evolve into a more serious commitment. The results of a survey showed that 35 percent of males and 36 percent of females have engaged in this type of behaviour with somebody other than their current partner. The survey also revealed surprisingly high percentages of individuals from various regions who were caught flirting outside of their relationships: 34 per cent from Kolkata, 35 per cent from Delhi, 32 per cent from Mumbai, 29 per cent from Indore, 33 per cent from Patna, and 45 per cent from Guwahati. Daydreaming of Delightful DebaucheryEngaging in fantasies involving someone other than one's current partner seems a very popular and harmless behaviour, especially if such fantasies involve dreaming of celebrities, pop stars and models. Statistics show that 33 per cent of men and 35 per cent of women have unapologetically admitted to fantasising about someone other than their partner. Furthermore, interesting regional variations in behaviour have emerged, with Kolkata (36 per cent), Delhi (35 per cent), Mumbai (34 per cent), Ludhiana (37 per cent), Jaipur (28 per cent), and Indore (26 per cent) displaying notable differences in this regard. Also Read: Give a chance to love with this quick guide on dating post-divorce This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

23 May,2023 09:32 AM IST | New Delhi | IANS
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Vicination weddings are on the rise among Gen Z, here's why

It is understandable why destination weddings have grown in popularity in India in recent years. They not only give the couple and their guests a special experience, but they also give people a chance to travel to new and intriguing places in the nation. Indian marriages are customarily held at the bride and groom's respective hometowns. But as times have changed, more and more couples are choosing destination weddings, where they can say their vows in front of beautiful settings while being joined by family and friends.The New Trend in Destination WeddingsIt's interesting to observe the rising popularity of "Vicination Weddings" - destination weddings held near to or in the same area as the couple's or their families' primary residence. Couples are opting to say their vows at close locations rather of travelling to a distant location because they provide a special and intimate experience for everyone involved. Since the pandemic, the trend appears to have gained in popularity. Tourist destinations close to Tier-1 and Metro cities are becoming more popular as a result of this trend. In the north are Jaipur, Udaipur, Mussoorie, Agra, and Lonavala, while in the south are Coorg, Ooty, Mahabalipuram, and Puducherry.Why is Vicination Weddings picking up trend?The Trend we are seeing is a cologmorate for multiple reasons, and as mentioned the pandemic played a crucial role in fact a game changer when it came to destination weddings. The ease of travel, familiarity of the place as they enjoyed a change of scene from a typical wedding. The couples and the family also get to imbibe some local feel to the D-Day. In addition to that, here are some more factors leading to this trend.ConvenienceVicination weddings are becoming increasingly popular in India due to the convenience factor they offer. By having the wedding in a nearby location, the couple can save on travel costs and minimise the amount of planning and coordination required. Moreover, guests who may have busy schedules or other commitments can attend the wedding without having to take too much time off work or away from their families.Promote culture and traditionWeddings in the vicinity offer the chance to showcase the local culture and traditions. The wedding venue and decor can incorporate local elements and traditions, giving the wedding a unique and authentic feel. Moreover, by supporting local vendors and businesses, the wedding can contribute to the local economy and community.What sets it apart from Destination Weddings?While Vicination Wedding can be a sought after option for people not willing to go far for a wedding, there is a fair chance of missing out on some fun of a destination wedding. If the location is familiar to the guests and the couple, it may not offer the same level of novelty or adventure as a destination wedding. Also Read: The wedding industry is back in a new hybrid avatar This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

16 May,2023 11:16 AM IST | Mumbai | IANS
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Give a chance to love with this quick guide on dating post-divorce

It can be intimidating to start dating again after a divorce, but the good news is that you're not alone. The only way to know for sure is to go on a first date, which can be intimidating, thrilling, or just overwhelming. If you're prepared to fall in love again, it takes more confidence to put yourself out there. While the road might be complicated, it can also be a rewarding experience.Namrta Sharma, who met her husband Vinay on an online dating app after her divorce shares, "As a single parent, my primary concern with dating, in general, was to find someone who understood that my son is an integral part of my life and whoever my partner would be had to accept that and be comfortable with it. Online dating was my only gateway to finding new connections as I wanted to meet new people, and not those from my networks.""A good way to navigate dating after my divorce was putting myself out there more and talking to more people online. After multiple conversations, I finally stumbled on Vinay's profile, and there was no looking back. The entire process enabled me to regain my confidence, and meeting Vinay was reassuring at many levels. Online dating apps gave me the platform and a second chance at finding love. It empowered me to take control of my dating journey and realise that it's never too late to find the one out there waiting for you." she adds.Namrta's story is a testament to the fact that love can happen twice and there is hope for everyone who wants to restart their dating journey post-divorce. Here are some tips by Namrta on how to navigate dating after divorce:Make an effort and give it time: If you're diving back into dating, it might feel overwhelming at times so give it time. Take it slow and date at your own pace. It was difficult to find time amidst all the responsibilities, but I made it a point to honour my commitment to make time to meet and be with Vinay. Making an effort to grow your relationship is important especially if you really feel it's the right one.Be transparent with your children: If you are thinking of dating as a single mother, have a chat with your kids about the possibility that you might fall in love with someone and help them to be open to you about their feelings. Once I was sure of this relationship, I made my kids a part of our dating journey. Since both our kids were involved, we ensured some of our dates were around our kids. It also allowed me to understand Vinay as a parent and vice versa.Find a balance: Our children are always our top priority, but that can't mean you won't invest time in your romantic relationship. There were times my partner and I decided to spend quality time with each other, without the kids around. So find a balance to get to know each other and grow closer.Communicate with honesty: It's important to be transparent and honest about your needs and desires, what you're looking for in a partner and from a relationship, especially if you're beginning to date again. There is nothing more important than clear and open communication when you're building your bond. Get to know each other better first, go on online dates before meeting them in person. Also Read: Finding it hard to balance love, life and work? Experts share helpful tips This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

16 May,2023 10:36 AM IST | Mumbai | IANS
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Study reveals why do we fall for particular people

Even the shortest ties can sometimes lead to the deepest bonds in life. Like when you attend a party and run into someone wearing the T-shirt of your favourite band, or who laughs at the same jokes as you, or who picks up the oddball food you alone (or so you thought) enjoy.  My favourite is when a conversation is started by a tiny, common interest that develops into an enduring love. We tend to prefer people who are similar to us; this phenomenon is known as the similarity-attraction effect. New research from Boston University has now uncovered one of the causes. Charles Chu, an assistant professor of management and organisations at the BU Questrom School of Business, studied the factors that influence how attracted or turned off we are by one another in a number of studies. He discovered that self-essentialist thinking, where people believe they have a deep inner core or essence that shapes who they are, was a key determinant.  Chu found that when someone believes an essence drives their interests, likes, and dislikes, they presume the same is true for others as well. If they locate someone with a single similar interest, they anticipate that person will share their larger worldview. The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology of the American Psychological Association published the findings.  "If we had to come up with an image of our sense of self, it would be this nugget, an almost magical core inside that emanates out and causes what we can see and observe about people and ourselves," says Chu, who published the paper with Brian S. Lowery of Stanford Graduate School of Business. "We argue that believing people have an underlying essence allows us to assume or infer that when we see someone who shares a single characteristic, they must share my entire deeply rooted essence, as well." But Chu's research suggests this rush to embrace an indefinable, fundamental similarity with someone because of one or two shared interests may be based on flawed thinking--and that it could restrict who we find a connection with.  Working alongside the pull of the similarity-attraction effect is a countering push: we dislike those who we don't think are like us, often because of one small thing--they like that politician, band, book, or TV show we loathe.  "We are all so complex," says Chu. "But we only have full insight into our own thoughts and feelings, and the minds of others are often a mystery to us. What this work suggests is that we often fill in the blanks of others' minds with our own sense of self and that can sometimes lead us into some unwarranted assumptions." Trying to Understand Other People To examine why we're attracted to some people and not to others, Chu set up four studies, each designed to tease out different aspects of how we make friends--or foes. In the first study, participants were told about a fictional person, Jamie, who held either complementary or contradictory attitudes toward them. After asking participants their views on one of five topics--abortion, capital punishment, gun ownership, animal testing, and physician-assisted suicide--Chu asked how they felt about Jamie, who either agreed or disagreed with them on the target issue. They were also quizzed about the roots of their identity to measure their affinity with self-essentialist reasoning. Chu found the more a participant believed their view of the world was shaped by an essential core, the more they felt connected to Jamie who shared their views on one issue. In a second study, he looked at whether that effect persisted when the target topics were less substantive. Rather than digging into whether people agreed with Jamie on something as divisive as abortion, Chu asked participants to estimate the number of blue dots on a page, then categorized them--and the fictional Jamie--as over- or under-estimators.  Even with this slim connection, the findings held: the more someone believed in an essential core, the closer they felt to Jamie as a fellow over- or under-estimator. "I found that both with pretty meaningful dimensions of similarity as well as with arbitrary, minimal similarities, people who are higher in their belief that they have an essence are more likely to be attracted to these similar others as opposed to dissimilar others," says Chu. In two companion studies, Chu began disrupting this process of attraction, stripping out the influence of self-essentialist reasoning.  In one experiment, he labelled attributes (such as liking a certain painting) as either essential or nonessential; in another, he told participants that using their essence to judge someone else could lead to an inaccurate assessment of others. "It breaks this essentialist reasoning process, it cuts off people's ability to assume that what they're seeing is reflective of a deeper similarity," says Chu.  "One way I did that was to remind people that this dimension of similarity is actually not connected or related to your essence at all; the other way was by telling people that using their essence as a way to understand other people is not very effective." Negotiating Psychology--and Politics--at Work Chu says there's a key tension in his findings that shape their application in the real world. On the one hand, we're all searching for our community--it's fun to hang out with people who share our hobbies and interests, love the same music and books as us, and don't disagree with us on politics.  "This type of thinking is a really useful, heuristic psychological strategy," says Chu. "It allows people to see more of themselves in new people and strangers." But it also excludes people, and sets up divisions and boundaries--sometimes on the flimsiest of grounds.  "When you hear a single fact or opinion being expressed that you either agree or disagree with, it really warrants taking an additional breath and just slowing down," he says. "Not necessarily taking that single piece of information and extrapolating on it, using this type of thinking to go to the very end, that this person is fundamentally good and like me or fundamentally bad and not like me." Chu, whose background mixes the study of organizational behaviour and psychology, teaches classes on negotiation at Questrom and says his research has plenty of implications in the business world, particularly when it comes to making deals.  "I define negotiations as conversations, and agreements and disagreements, about how power and resources should be distributed between people," he says. "What inferences do we make about the other people we're having these conversations with? How do we experience and think about agreement versus disagreement? How do we interpret when someone gets more and someone else gets less? These are all really central questions to the process of negotiation."  But in a time when the political division has invaded just about every sphere of our lives, including workplaces, the applications of Chu's findings go way beyond corporate horse-trading. Managing staff, collaborating on projects, and team bonding--all are shaped by the judgments we make about each other. Self-essentialist reasoning may even influence society's distribution of resources, says Chu: who we consider worthy of support, who gets funds and who doesn't, could be driven by "this belief that people's outcomes are caused by something deep inside of them."  That's why he advocates pushing pause before judging someone who, at first blush, doesn't seem like you. "There are ways for us to go through life and meet other people, and form impressions of other people, without constantly referencing ourselves," he says. "If we're constantly going around trying to figure out, who's like me, who's not like me? that's not always the most productive way of trying to form impressions of other people. People are a lot more complex than we give them credit for." Also Read: Healthy diet is now linked with greater physical fitness in middle-aged adults This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

12 May,2023 06:18 PM IST | Boston | ANI
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'Swinging' to 'Celibacy': New survey reveals how Indians explore relationships

The different types of relationships we have are evolving by the day because they happen to be in all kinds of shapes and sizes include those that are non-traditional. Despite the fact that monogamy has always been the norm, modern couples are increasingly exploring other types of relationships. When it comes to romantic love and relationships, India is transforming its relationship landscape to reflect a growing tendency towards independence and autonomy. It would be interesting to see how changing societal mores and cutting-edge technology will affect how people fall in love in India in the future. In March 2023, Gleeden, dating app, conducted research on India's shifting views on marriage, and other cultural conventions. The study, conducted in February 2023 by the renowned international market research and public opinion specialist Ipsos, polled 1,503 married Indians between the ages of 25 and 50 from Tier-1 and Tier-2 cities. Its objectives included exploring various topics such as how people generally perceive infidelity, their own experiences, the effects of the pandemic, and new relationship trends. The study uncovered some of the most popular and recent love customs that Indians are embracing. "Non-traditional relationships are gaining immense popularity and acceptance in today's modern society. From swinging to celibacy, people are exploring unconventional ways to connect and form intimate bonds. These relationships offer individuals the freedom to explore their sexuality without the limitations of traditional monogamous relationships. This change in mindset towards relationships in Indian society typifies a shift towards accepting individualism and personal autonomy. Recent research has shown that, contrary to popular belief, Indians have a notable inclination for exploration with over 60 per cent having experimented with alternative forms of relationships including opening their couples and swinging. says Sybil Shiddell, country manager, India, Gleeden, an extramarital dating app. "The study clearly proves how Indians are far from being conventional and like to experiment and self-express themselves in the bedroom, often together with their partners". Swinging: Not just for the '70s anymoreSwinging, commonly referred to as "wife-swapping," is a mutually agreed-upon non-monogamous practise in which partners have sex with other couples or people. Although this practise is not new and was quite common in the 1970s, it has recently gained in popularity. Swinging can take many forms, from attending a private party to meeting strangers online. It can be a way to add excitement and variety to a relationship or explore different sexual experiences with the consent of both partners. However, swinging is not for everyone and requires open communication, trust, and honesty between all parties involved. Establishing clear boundaries and guidelines is crucial before delving into the world of swinging. While it may not be for everyone, for those seeking to add some excitement to their love life, swinging can be an exhilarating experience. The study has shown a growing number of individuals between the ages of 34-50, with 17 per cent expressing willingness to try it out. Interestingly, even residents of Tier-1 and Tier-2 cities are increasingly showing interest, with 20 per cent and 15 per cent respectively expressing curiosity about this lifestyle choice. Polyamory: More than twoThe dynamics of polyamorous relationships span beyond sexual encounters, and involve emotional intimacy, connection, and genuine love between the individuals. The forms of such relationships vary, from involving a group of three people (known as a triad), to a setup where one person is in a relationship with two others who do not share a romantic bond (commonly known as a V). The concept of polyamory comes with its set of struggles, and it may lead to feelings of jealousy and insecurity amongst those involved. However, when pursued transparently and with honesty throughout the relationship, polyamory can lead to a beautiful and gratifying way of loving. The study showcased that 23 per cent of individuals from Tier-2 cities, including Guwahati and Indore, have a significant interest in polyamorous relationships, while 14 per cent of those aged between 36-50 display similar inclinations. Celibacy: Choosing to be aloneCelibacy is a deliberate choice to refrain from sexual activity and romantic involvement, and this decision can be either a temporary or permanent one. People opt for celibacy due to a variety of reasons, including religious or personal beliefs or a desire to prioritise other areas of their lives. While celibacy can be challenging, it demands deep introspection and self-control. Nevertheless, those who embrace this way of life often find a sense of tranquillity and independence. For instance, research shows that 38 per cent of women and 28 per cent of men feel content being single and unattached, with a striking 48 per cent of individuals from Tier-1 and 24 per cent from Tier-2 cities expressing no interest in forming romantic relationships. People are experimenting with new forms of love and connection, and unconventional partnerships are becoming increasingly commonplace. Every kind of relationship, from swinging to celibacy, has its own set of difficulties and benefits. These relationships have the potential to be fruitful and enjoyable for all parties, but they also need careful communication, self-awareness, and consent to function well. There is no right or wrong way to love, only educated and enthusiastic permission from all partners. It's crucial to keep in mind to respect and support personal preferences as society becomes more accepting and understanding of non-traditional partnerships. In the end, relationships are beautiful because of their variety and people's capacity to forge deep bonds on their own terms.Also Read: 10 features to use to make your online dating experience safer This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

09 May,2023 09:37 AM IST | New Delhi | IANS
Intimacy plays a crucial role for couples navigating hectic lives. It helps maintain a sense of emotional connection and closeness between the partners, reduces stress, helps stay positive, and increases feelings of happiness despite the challenges of balancing work, family, and other responsibilities. Photo Courtesy: Stock

Mid-Day Premium Finding it hard to balance love, life and work? Experts share helpful tips

Remember that hard-hitting scene from the web series, ‘Little Things’, where Dhruv tells Kavya to keep her work outside their ‘us’ time? Allowing our work to take precedence over our personal, especially romantic relationships, is a mistake that you, me, and everyone else seem to be doing today.   Yes, our career is important, but why should it come at the cost of our relationship when both can co-exist? There are many couples like Sudha and Narayan Murthy or Michelle and Barack Obama, that are perfect examples of this. They have been successful in both love and career in the most beautiful way.  Sadly, many individuals complain about not being able to make time for their partners due to demanding careers or busy work schedules. Niyatii N Shah, intimacy coach, founder and president, Averti Education and Council of Sex Educators for a Social Change, says, “Most couples that I have come across are not even aware that they are not spending enough time with each other.”   Role of romance and intimacy in a committed relationship  Both romance and intimacy are different from each other yet go hand in hand. Shah explains, “Intimacy refers to the emotional closeness and connection between two people. It involves feelings of trust, vulnerability, and deep understanding. Romance, on the other hand, refers to the feeling of excitement, passion, and attraction between two people. It often involves physical gestures, such as holding hands, kissing, or engaging in sexual activity. Romance can also involve creating special moments and memories together, such as planning surprise dates or expressing affection through thoughtful gestures. Both are important to have a fulfilling relationship.”        According to the coach, intimacy plays a crucial role, especially for couples who are navigating busy and hectic lives. It helps maintain a sense of emotional connection and closeness, reduces stress, helps stay positive, and increases feelings of happiness despite the challenges of balancing work, family, and other responsibilities.   Mid-day online also spoke to a 24-year-old Goregoan resident who wishes to stay anonymous, about how he manages to strike a balance between career and love life. A cinematographer by profession, this young man recently shifted to Mumbai from his hometown Goa in pursuit of his career. His partner resides in Mumbai. He recently celebrated the completion of their one-and-a-half years of dating by relishing some delectable Asian cuisine over dinner. He says, “So far it has been great. With both me and my partner being busy with our jobs, some days are challenging, but we keep finding ways to make each other feel loved.” The cinematographer adds, “I make sure I buy her either a flower or sandwiches and fries when I meet her post work. I believe even a small gesture such as this one makes her happy.” On a parting note, the young man says, “we also exchange a lot of ‘I-love-yous’ in a day.  Causes leading to romance fizzling out  While the Mumbaikar actively adds a spark to the relationship, it is also true when people say that romance fades out between a couple after a few months into dating. Shah explains the role hormones play during the initial stages of a relationship. She says, “When the relationship is nascent, the brain releases neurotransmitters such as dopamine and serotonin, which are associated with pleasure and reward. These chemicals can create a sense of euphoria and excitement, leading couples to feel deeply attracted to each other. However, as these chemical levels normalise over time, this initial rush of attraction may wane, leading to a less intense emotional connection.”   Besides, as couples pretty much discover everything during the first few months of togetherness, the curiosity to know more about each other reduces and a sense of boredom seeps in. Further, responsibilities such as work, family, and other obligations tend to take over a couple's life, leaving them with less time and energy for romance. As couples become more established in their relationship, they may also feel more comfortable prioritising other aspects of their life.      Choosing the easy way out  Maintaining a relationship requires work but often when that fails, people think of it as the end and may opt out of being together. Yoshita Dave, a counselling psychologist, intimacy coach and educator at Meheryash Counselling Consultancy sheds light on individuals choosing the easy and convenient way out. It is an observed trend that couples are choosing to part ways when the relationship does not go their way or becomes inconvenient. Dave explains, “These days everyone looks for instant solutions, and as a result, choose separation instead of resolving issues.” Communication, honesty and understanding between partners are vital, she adds. The lack of these usually amounts to lying, doing things behind your partner’s back, and even cheating, which ultimately spoils the relationship. She adds, “Partners must keep each other in the loop concerning any part of their professional or personal life no matter how busy they are.”Niyatii N Shah shares tips to practice intimacy and romance for keeping the spark between you are your partner alive:1. Send your partner a text message/email telling them how much you appreciate them and their hard work.2. Leave a love note on their pillow or in their lunchbox. 3. Compliment your partner on something they've done well, whether it's a work project or a home-cooked meal.4. Take care of something that your partner has been dreading, such as making a difficult phone call.5. Bring your partner a small gift that reminds you of them, such as a book or a piece of jewellery.6. Surprise your partner with tickets to a concert or a show that they've been wanting to see.7. Bring your partner their favourite food.8. Hold hands while walking or driving together.9. Give your partner a hug or a kiss before leaving for work or when you come home.10. Take time to share your goals and dreams with each other.11. Make time to actively listen to each other and show interest in each other's lives.12. Make sure to prioritise physical intimacy, such as sex and cuddling, even when life gets busy. Also Read: Why are committed partners seeking extramarital affairs? New survey reveals shocking facts

07 May,2023 07:09 PM IST | Mumbai | Aakanksha Ahire
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10 features to use to make your online dating experience safer

Indian individuals use dating apps to meet new people, both logically and emotionally. But before they do, Tinder wants to kindly remind them that safety is absolutely paramount. Despite the fact that you have no influence over other people's activities, there are measures you can take, made possible by a few useful features, to keep yourself safe while using the App. A recent Tinder survey found that 28 per cent of young adults are aware of the safety features that are available but have never used them, 29 per cent are aware of them and have occasionally utilised them, and 20 per cent are unsure of the variety of safety features that are offered. Mutual matchingThe app allows you to start a conversation only when you have mutually swiped right on each other. Both parties must express mutual interest before you can chat. So cheer up and forget about unsolicited messages from strangers. Pro tip: Keeping conversations on the platform is a great (and safe) idea as it only allows texts, emojis and video calls so don't worry about receiving any unwanted pictures. Be cautious and alert if your match tries to move the conversation to phone calls or other apps right away - they could be trying to bypass Tinder's Safe Message Filters. Bio GuidanceOne common mistake a lot of us make while creating a profile is oversharing personal information like email address or phone number. This is when Bio Guidance comes handy! It is an additional step to ensure you understand what's acceptable on Tinder while also helping protect your personal information. The feature removes all sensitive information from your bio, lets you know why and gives you another shot at writing your bio. Photo VerificationWorried about fake profiles? You can have more trust that they really look like their pics with Photo Verification feature. You can even choose to only see people who are already Photo Verified (identified through a blue tick against their name), thanks to Tinder Explore. Video ChatWith in-app video calling feature, you can start a video call with your match directly on the app! So what are you waiting for? Get ready to meet your match face to face digitally, verify if they are genuine and better assess whether the chemistry is there before meeting them IRL. UnmatchIt's fairly simple to swipe left to reject and swipe right to match. But what if you swiped right too soon? You can unmatch someone at any time for any reason. Once unmatched, that person will no longer appear in your match list or message list. And if it is something more serious, you can also report them once you have unmatched. ReportingFrom profiles, media, to conversations, it makes it easy to quickly report accounts. You can report someone directly from a profile or through their match list and can even report someone who has unmatched you. Every report is taken seriously. In addition to its in-app reporting, it also recently announced long press reporting that lets you tap and hold offensive messages and launches the reporting flow directly in the chat experience, making it even easier to report in-app. Block Contacts and Block ProfileDon't want to see your boss, ex or family member while swiping? Block Contacts allows you to block personal contacts you would rather not see, nor be seen by within the app. Block Profile, a new addition to the safety features portfolio, is another important step to give you the option to choose who you want to see on Tinder. When profiles are suggested, before matching, you can block them so they don't show up again. Does This Bother You? (DTBY)This feature will ask you 'Does This Bother You?' when you receive a potentially offensive messages. If you respond 'yes' to the prompt, you will have the option to report the sender for their behaviour. This feature has increased reporting of harassment by 46 per cent. Are You Sure? (AYS)Similar to DTBY, this feature will prompt you 'Are You Sure?' if you or the sender are about to share a potentially offensive message. It not only relies on people reporting inappropriate content, it also works to catch it proactively. Egregious behaviour and patterns of inappropriate content can result in someone's removal. This feature is reducing potentially harmful messages sent by 10 per cent. PS: Both Are you Sure? and Does This Bother You? have been recently updated to include more language that classifies as harmful or inappropriate, such as terms related to hate speech, sexual exploitation or harassment which are against its Community Guidelines. Traveller AlertIf you identify yourself as belonging from the LGBTQIA+ community and are travelling IRL or using Passport feature to swipe in a country with laws that penalise the community, you are alerted and given a choice to opt out before your profile is shown in the area. However, safety must always come first. You can also check out the Safety Centre, an interactive feature that is already included in the app and includes a variety of local resources, articles, tips, quizzes, and information about privacy and safety features, to learn more about these features and how they operate. Through your settings or the safety shield that appears while you're chatting, you can access it whenever you want. Also Read: Some people might be attracted to others over minimal similarities: Study This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

27 April,2023 03:48 PM IST | New Delhi | IANS
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Some people might be attracted to others over minimal similarities: Study

According to a study published by the American Psychological Association, we are often attracted to those with whom we share an interest, but this attraction may be based on an erroneous belief that such shared interests represent a deeper and more fundamental similarity -- we share an essence. "Our attraction to people who share our attributes is aided by the belief that those shared attributes are driven by something deep within us: one's essence," said lead author Charles Chu, PhD, an assistant professor at the Boston University Questrom School of Business. "To put it concretely, we like someone who agrees with us on a political issue, shares our music preferences, or simply laughs at the same thing as us not purely because of those similarities, but because those similarities suggest something more -- this person is, in essence, like me, and as such, they share my views of the world at large." This thought process is driven by a type of psychological essentialism that is applied specifically to people's ideas about the self and individual identity, according to Chu, adding that people "essentialize" many things -- from biological categories such as animal species to social groups such as race and gender -- and do so in virtually all human cultures. "To essentialize something is to define it by a set of deeply rooted and unchanging properties, or an essence," said Chu. "For example, the category of 'wolf' is defined by a wolf essence, residing in all wolves, from which stems attributes such as their pointy noses, sharp teeth and fluffy tails as well as their pack nature and aggressiveness. It is unchanging in that a wolf raised by sheep is still a wolf and will eventually develop wolf-like attributes." Recently, researchers have begun to focus on the category of the self and have found that just as we essentialize other categories, we essentialize the self, according to Chu. "To essentialize me is to define who I am by a set of entrenched and unchanging properties, and we all, especially in Western societies, do this to some extent. A self-essentialist then would believe that what others can see about us and the way we behave are caused by such an unchanging essence," he said. To better understand how self-essentialism drives attraction between individuals, researchers conducted a series of four experiments. The research was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. In one experiment, 954 participants were asked their position on one of five randomly assigned social issues (abortion, capital punishment, gun ownership, animal testing, or physician-assisted suicide). Half the participants then read about another individual who agreed with their position, while the other half read about an individual who disagreed with their position. All participants then completed a questionnaire on how much they believed they shared a general view of the world with the fictitious individual, their level of interpersonal attraction to that person and their overall beliefs in self-essentialism. Researchers found that participants who scored high on self-essentialism were more likely to express an attraction to the fictitious individual who agreed with their position and to report a shared general perception of reality with that individual. A similar experiment involving 464 participants found the same results for a shared attribute as simple as the participants' propensity to overestimate or underestimate a number of colored dots on a series of computer slides. In other words, the belief in an essential self led people to assume that just a single dimension of similarity was indicative of seeing the entire world in the same way, which led to more attraction. In another experiment, 423 participants were shown eight pairs of paintings and asked which in each pair they preferred. Based on their responses, participants were identified as either a fan of the Swiss-German artist Paul Klee or the Russian painter Wassily Kandinsky. Half of each fan group was then told that artistic preference was part of their essence; the other half was told it had no connection. All were then exposed to two hypothetical individuals, one of whom had the same artistic preference and one who differed. Participants who were told that artistic preference was connected to their essence were significantly more likely to express an attraction to a hypothetical person with the same artistic preferences than those who were told artistic preference had nothing to do with their essence. A final experiment categorized 449 participants as fans of one of the two artists and then presented them with information about whether using one's own essence was useful or not in perceiving other people. This time, one-third of the participants were told that essentialist thinking could lead to inaccurate impressions of others, one-third were told that essentialist thinking could lead to accurate impressions of others and the final third were given no information. As expected, researchers found participants who were told that essentialist thinking could lead to accurate impressions of others were more likely to report attraction to and shared reality with hypothetical individuals with similar art preferences. Chu said he was most surprised to find that something as minimal as a shared preference for an artist would lead people to perceive that another individual would see the world the same way as they do. Self-essentialist thinking, though, could be a mixed blessing, he warned. "I think any time when we're making quick judgments or first impressions with very little information, we are likely to be affected by self-essentialist reasoning," said Chu. "People are so much more complex than we often give them credit for, and we should be wary of the unwarranted assumptions we make based on this type of thinking."  Also Read:  This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

24 April,2023 09:13 AM IST | Washington | ANI
Healthy habits like communicating freely with your partner, making them feel included in your life by sharing important life decisions and being honest with them play a vital role in keeping the relationship strong. Photo Courtesy: Stock

What is the secret of having a successful romantic relationship?

A relationship with the person you love and have been dating for years is bound to become monotonous at some point. It is only natural since you pretty much know everything there is to know about each other. All the efforts you used to take to explore each other and keep things interesting die down. While it is a sign of comfort between you are your partner, too much of it can invite troubles into your paradise.  Making your partner feel special can bring them great joy, no matter how old the relationship is. It is the regular efforts that take a couple far in their relationship. Yoshita Dave, a counselling psychologist, intimacy coach and educator at Meheryash Counselling Consultancy suggests some easy ways to keep the spark alive.  1. Make plans to spend quality time with each other.   2. Have regular date nights at home or visit places you both want to try.   3. Make it a point to have at least one meal together during the day. While lunch may be difficult due to jobs, couples must try having dinner together.   4. If possible, go out on weekends or plan a trip once every 3 or 4 months.   5. Switch off from work. After you meet your partner, avoid taking work calls or doing any office work that can wait. In case any urgent work comes up, talk about it with your partner and promise to make it up to them.   6. Do fun activities together, like cooking, watching a movie, going to a spa, going for a walk or long drives, or just hanging out.    Besides planning these activities together, Dave says, “Other healthy habits like communicating freely with your partner, making them feel included in your life by sharing important life decisions, discussing your issues with them, and, being honest to them play a vital role in keeping the relationship strong.” In addition to this, being a good listener to your partner, and understanding them without any judgements also goes a long way.  Just as partners in a committed relationship must continue to take efforts to keep things exciting, they must also steer clear of certain toxic traits that could harm the relationship. Nidhi Borana, a counselling psychologist, relationship counsellor and career counsellor lists down things that harm a relationship.  1. Not taking responsibility for one's own actions. This leads to blame games and arguments.   2. Being unattentive towards your partner when they are expressing their concerns or being emotionally unavailable.   3. Complaining too much about how things are not working out.   4. Not helping with domestic chores.   5. Refusing to spend quality time once in a while or taking vacations together 6. Not respecting each other 7. Choosing to not communicate your issues and concerns to your partner.   8. Having an unhealthy sex life like not engaging in any sexual activity, going without sex for a long time, or not engaging in foreplay.  No guidebook teaches you to be loving and romantic with your partner. Simply doing the bare minimum for someone you love is all it takes to have a successful romantic relationship.Also Read: Acne treatment: Mumbai expert guides you on how to avoid breakouts this summer

06 April,2023 11:48 AM IST | Mumbai | Aakanksha Ahire
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Why are committed partners seeking extramarital affairs? New survey reveals

In India, marriages are considered sacred and the institution is celebrated in a very big way. However, the marriages may not always be happy, because according to a new report, committed partners are increasingly seeking extramarital affairs due to various complex and interrelated reasons. A survey conducted by Gleeden in collaboration with IPSOS gives us a deeper look into the top reasons for infidelity in India and the evolved relationship dynamics that they are witnessing today. Physical attraction toward the other personThis is the most common reason for infidelity. Many people cheat on their partners because they are physically attracted to someone else. According to Gleeden's survey, people's private events and parties were the most common occasions for committing infidelity at 26 per cent while social media stood next at 25 per cent, and infidelity committed on dating apps for singles amounted to 19 per cent. This shows that it is easier for people to feel attracted to someone in a social setting and succumb to temptation. Lack of attention from the official partnerWhen partners feel ignored, unappreciated, or unloved, they may seek attention and affection elsewhere. This is especially true when there are communication breakdowns in the relationship. The survey highlights that a lack of emotional support was cited as the second most common reason for infidelity and 57 per cent of responders affirmed having been unfaithful to their partner at least once out of which 45 per cent of cheating occurs during the first year of a relationship. FeelingsSometimes people cheat on their partners because they develop strong emotional connections with someone else. This can happen when people share common interests or deeply connect with someone. 44 percent of respondents in the survey believe it's possible to be in love with two people at the same time. This indicates that emotional infidelity is a common phenomenon. Desire to spark a new romanceMonogamy can be challenging, and some people feel the need to experience the thrill of a new romance. According to the Gleeden survey, 37 per cent of respondents think it's possible to cheat on a partner and still be in love with them, indicating that some people cheat simply for the excitement of a new relationship. Lack of sexual satisfactionSexual dissatisfaction can be a significant driver of infidelity and this holds especially true since 41 per cent declare that even after having regular sex, they are not to be fully satisfied and 55 per cent fancy being intimate with someone other than their partners. When people feel sexually unfulfilled in their relationships, there is a common tendency that may seek physical intimacy elsewhere. Other motivations include the desire to engage in physical contact with the person they like, the need to demonstrate their continued seductiveness, and the desire to exact vengeance on an unfaithful partner. It's important to remember that these causes of adultery are complicated, and many of them may be connected to one another.Also Read: Here are a few fun ideas for dating during summer months This story has been sourced from a third party syndicated feed, agencies. Mid-day accepts no responsibility or liability for its dependability, trustworthiness, reliability and data of the text. Mid-day management/ reserves the sole right to alter, delete or remove (without notice) the content in its absolute discretion for any reason whatsoever

03 April,2023 08:42 AM IST | New Delhi | IANS
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