'Brangelina' give reconciliation a chance, here's how you can do the same

Angelina Jolie with husband Brad PittNearly a year ago claiming irreconcilable differences Hollywood star Angelina Jolie split from husband Brad Pitt After months of stories on financial assets other partners and custody of the pairs children it is now claimed that Brangelina might just make a comeback While one could endlessly speculate on the why and what experts back home say seeking a divorce neednt spell the end of a marriage it could lead to a Uturn as wellTalk dont splitThe clues that a marriage could be breaking are everywhere according to victory coach Farzana Suri If a couple isnt spending time together not communicating if theres jealousy possessiveness and insecurity ndashthen one or the other is going to want out she says But they arent irreversible situations Suri recalls the case of a woman who approached her because her husband wanted a divorce I realised the wife had an OCD which was affecting his spontaneity and choking their marriage explains Suri A year of counselling later the wife tries to be less rigid the husband more accepting Ultimately they didnt file for divorceClinical psychologist and cognitive behaviour therapist Laura Vaz says couples are usually blinded by their need for a divorce When hurt and angry are the reasons one is most likely to regret the decision later she explains The worst thing at such a time would be to tell the couple explicitly to not get divorced That would only stoke the determination further What Vaz does is sit them down over individual and joint sessions to find out the core problem and also make them communicate I had a couple whod been married for 17 years with teenaged children and were determined to split But once they got talking they addressed issuesFor instance the wife was upset that the husband hadnt supported her at a particular situation while he had been clueless about how she felt explains Vaz Eventually the couple realized the love hadnt died and stayed married So then communication is key and maybe all divorces can be reconsidered and talked outSuddenly seeking separationNope not all Some couples split overnight mostly when one partner demands a separation while the other is in the dark As was the case with Joel Rodrigues name changed whose wife upped and left one fine day without any explanation demanding that he agree to mutual divorce At the time I couldnt think of anything that had gone wrong and kept hoping she would come back says the 40yearold His wife never agreed to counselling barely spoke to him and it was only later through therapy that he could find closure Rodrigues was going through a difficult patch with work and it seemed as if the burden was too much on his exwife Five years later a happy Rodrigues says letting go and making peace is the best thing to doSuri feels therapy is crucial for such onesided cases She speaks of a couple in which the husband found love elsewhere and wanted to leave his family while the wife couldnt accept it To her a divorce meant loss of status and honour She refused to see me so I had to counsel the husband to deal with her more sensitively and tell her it wasnt her fault so she could find courage to move on she explains In such cases Vaz too feels that the hurt party needs more attention and also needs to be told to let go because no one would be happy in a forced relationshipWhen you know you knowThen theres the third kind The mature divorce seekers as Vaz puts it This couple is usually in their 40s they have been married for a few years and have come to accept that they dont want to stay married In such cases the couple is grownup and usually they do end up splitting for their own individual good she explainsIt took 33 years of marriage to convince Preeta Rao name changed that getting out would be healthiest The courtship and first few years were wonderful before he began philandering says the 59yearold For years Rao turned a blind eye wanting to trust her husband and believe all was well He walked out on her several times though not once admitting why he was doing so He would come up with inane things like I didnt admire him enough in public I didnt respect him the food was never hot she adds Rao made a last ditch attempt in 2005 when he demanded that she move cities so they would work on their marriage It lasted all of three years This time in 2008 when he was ready to leave again I told him if he left now he couldnt come back In 2012 Rao finally filed for a divorce I would never wish away my initial years of marriage but today I am so much happier and at peace with myself she says Divorce then in this case is liberation from what could be a very damaging relationshipUltimately as Suri says no one can tell a couple what to do One can lay out the path but its the two who choose to walk on it together or go their separate ways So when in doubt take time in take time out and put all cards on the table before you decide Maybe thats what Brangelina did if we can call them that again