Habib Tanvir's former lover opens up on the story of a turbulent love affair

Habib first met his grandson Mukti in 1995 during a visit to Jillrsquos home in Gloucestershire Mukti was around three years old thenWho is Jill MacDonald And what was the relationship she shared with renowned playwright and theatre director Habib Tanvir Seven years ago in June 2009 nearly 54 years after Jill first met the young enchanting Habib at the Edinburgh Festival in 1955 these questions unexpectedly came to occupy her for the very first timeDevonshirebased Jill was still coming to terms with the demise of Habib the father of her eldest daughter Anna when spurious gossip trickled in about the parentage of her child ldquoObituaries were published in various newspapers hinting that Habib had another family in England possibly another daughter with a French actress he had met briefly in Paris That was too muchrdquo 77yearold Jill recallsProvoked by how things were playing out and moved by the stirring memory of a buried romance Jill turned to her old writing case after many years Inside it was a sheaf of crumpled yellowed papersldquoI found that Habibrsquos demise caused me to ponder very deeply about what we had meant to each other and as a result I wanted to reread his letters to merdquo she says in an email interview ldquoBut as I sorted them out I found it too difficult to read them alone especially knowing that he was no longer thererdquoHabib Tanvir and Jill MacDonald got acquainted at the Edinburgh festival in 1955 Jill was 17 years old then while Habib was 32 The meeting set the stage for a whirlwind romanceIncidentally Annarsquos son Mukti Habibrsquos grandchild was living at her home then ldquoI suggested we read them together which he quite happily agreed to asking me lots of questions along the wayrdquo Jill remembers She later passed on the letters to her daughter something she admits to have deliberately never done before ldquoParents donrsquot always want to share details of their private affairs with their offspring but at this point it seemed a very positive move that Anna should know more about hersrdquo says Jill Her daughter later coaxed her to get them publishedThatrsquos how A Story for Mukti HarperCollins India which released last month took shapeThe book is a compilation of letters Habib sent to Jill mdash her letters to him have been lost mdash after he first laid his eyes on the 17yearold teenager Habib then 32 was nearly twice her age Remembering that moment with vivid detail she says ldquoIrsquom not sure that I believe in love at first sight because I canrsquot see how you can really love someone if you donrsquot know them What I did feel in the very first instance of meeting Habib was a huge sense of recognition He was familiar comfortable and wonderful to have come acrossrdquoldquoThere were more obvious things about him that I took to at once ndash his warm smile the slightly husky musical voice But this sense of absolute recognition was something I had not experienced before and it continued throughout knowing himrdquoA year later he started travelling across Europe to explore and experience its theatre Despite the occasional brief meetings that followed their romance blossomed through letters These exchanges and meetings would continue even after Habib moved to Delhi and got married while keeping Jill in the dark But in 1964 when Habib learnt that Jill was having his baby he took a step back ldquoMy mother was outraged and angry with Habib for his swift departure She felt I had been abandonedrdquo Jill writes in the bookIn more ways than one it was true ldquoAfter Anna was born Habib was silent for two years It is always difficult when someone simply disappears without explanation There remains a question mark which was indeed a heavy burden to bearrdquo she saysThe silence she recalls caused a huge wedge in their relationship ldquoThere was always affection and I was always glad to see him but the trust had gone and without that precious commodity it wasnrsquot possible to be wholeheartedrdquo says JillMeanwhile Jill found love in a Scottish sailor whom she met during one of her journeys to India Habib did eventually meet his daughter Anna nine years later in 1973 and would continue to stay in touch with the family visiting them until just before his death ldquoSurprisingly perhaps there was still that sense of recognition that I have described He was fairly burdened with guilt in later life for allowing himself to have been so divided and letting people who loved him downrdquo she saysJill pins it down to the artiste inside him ldquoI sometimes felt that theatre was more real to him than life Perhaps it was this aspect of his character that led Habib into making mistakes in his personal life which caused confusion and quite a lot of anguish and suffering to othersrdquo she says adding ldquoUnlike theatre there were no curtains in life to end the scenes only consequencesrdquo