Life after God (of cricket)

Who will be the new SachinWersquore an impatient lot The way we want a faulty part replaced the same way we want our God replaced by another So whorsquos going to be the new Sachin Sachinrsquos son Arjun Hersquos too young The whole country is secretly praying he doesnrsquot pull off a Rohan Gavaskar Rohit Sharma Maybe if he can manage to be as consistent Virat Kohli is a possibilityWill Virat Kohli have to learn Marathi use heavier bats and practice saying lsquoAilarsquo to be a true replacement for the God of cricket And will Sachin launch his autobiography in 2014The only thing he has to do is to learn how to guard the guard in public buy a threekg bat and learn Marathi Hersquos already started doing truckloads of ads and can be seen on billboards around the city But hersquos selling shampoo and deodorant Sachin would never do that Sachin sold insurance water purifiers and inverters ie relatively humble products to go with his humble personality And of course he has to get married Hersquos reached the right age 25 As most mothers would say ldquoIf you donrsquot get married at the right age then lsquoeverything elsersquo will be delayedrdquo We are sure Viratrsquos mother has already started looking for prospective bridesThe original Sachin starts writing a bookSitting at home Sachin will realise is not a piece of cake He is probably being made to run around by his better half to get groceries ldquoPoha is over get it fastrdquo do chores around the house ldquoPick up your clothes look at the TV itrsquos so dusty stop watching old matches and help me out with thisrdquoHe also has to drop the children to school ldquoBaba today we will go to school in the Porscherdquo and help complete their projects Exhausted with household work Sachin Paaji will ultimately decide to write his autobiography By default it will be the highest selling book of 2014 and will sell well over a million copies Sachin will lock himself up in his room to concentrate on his book successfully avoiding any work he wouldrsquove been given He may spend the rest of his day playing games on the PlayStation 4 that he has recently boughtIPL7 kicks offThe greatest spectacle after the Great Indian Wedding the Indian Premier League kicks into its seventh season in April this year This edition will see the addition of two more teams to make up for the exits of Pune Warriors and Kochi Tuskers Baramati Milk Kings owned by the supreme lord of cricket Sharad Pawar and Ahmedabad Dhoklas owned by supreme lord of India Mukesh Ambanirsquos kid brother Anil Tired of being in the administration Pawar we suspect will want to buy a team to see what the fuss is all about Anil on the other hand will follow big brotherrsquos footsteps though he wonrsquot admit it Ten teams mean matches will be broadcast thrice a day during breakfast lunch and dinner Booze will be banned at afterparties but Baramati Milk Kings will throw a milk bash for their players Ahmedabad being in a dry state will have to make do with sodaBCCI offers citizenship to South African bowlersHaving been unable to cultivate any quality fast bowlers of our own the governing body of Indian cricket will finally relent and import bowlers from South Africa BCCI will assure them of selection and remind them of how nicely Gary Kirsten was treated The South Africans will refuse the offer But a persistent BCCI may offer them each a free seafacing apartment in MumbaiGully Premier League begins in MumbaiThe BCCI will decide to formalise gully cricket in Mumbai Franchisees will be invited to own teams from their home zones Udipi hotel owners kirana shop owners and the likes will sign up to own teams A fierce rivalry will develop between different factions and areas of the city Teams like Parelche Punter Shahrsquos Ghatkopar Ghumakkads Thane Tornadoes Virar Vikings Girgaum Giants will be the strong contenders for the top prize Sahara chief Subrata Roy will once again try to buy a team here but his plans may yet again fail thanks to an adamant BCCI