Delay sex to have a happier marriage: Experts

According to a recent study done at the Brigham Young University in Utah US married couples that delayed sex while dating were more likely to have longerlasting marriages while couples who had sex the earliest on the first date or within the first month of dating had the worst relationship outcomes To quote study coauthor Dean Busby quotWhat seems to happen is that if couples become sexual too early this very rewarding area of the relationship overwhelms good decisionmaking and keeps couples in a relationship that might not be the best for them in the longrunquot Dr Prakash Kothari founder advisor World Association for Sexual Health WAS says that one39s approach to sex is likely to make the difference quotSex denotes different things for different people For some it is a way to marriage and for such people it would be better to understand their partner well find out whether the partner is trustworthy and then go forward But for those who consider sex as just fun it will not make a differencequot he says According to Dr Parul Tank consultant psychiatrist Fortis Hospital Mulund there are two ways to approaching the findings of the study And in the Indian context the great urbanrural divide comes into the picture quotIn big cities people prefer getting to know each other intimately before getting married and later finding out there is a problem Whereas with people from small towns the mindset is that sex should lead to marriage and when that does not happen they tend to get devastatedquot she says As old as the vedas Contrary to popular belief the concept of premarital sex is not new to Indians Kunti Devi the mother of the eldest three Pandava brothers in the Indian epic Mahabharata had a child out of wedlock But aside from the 39morality39 debate sex is important in the big picture For one it strengthens bonds quotSex reduces stressquot says psychiatrist Bhupesh Velaskar Dr Kothari adds that on reaching orgasm the body releases hormones which create a sense of wellbeing quotSometimes these hormones endorphins can also act as painkillersquot he says However those seeking to be in a longterm relationship might need to go beyond chemistry quotPhysical attraction isn39t what keeps people together for long It is okay for emotional bonds to have an element of erotica but that should not take over It is important to build on the emotional quotientquot says psychiatrist Dr Shefali Batra The study 2035 heterosexual individuals averaging around 36 years of age and who were in their first marriage were recruited for the study Participants were asked when they first had sexual relations with their current spouse They also had to answer questions that would evaluate how well they could express empathy towards partners and how well they were able to communicate within the relationship Other questions focused on relationship satisfaction and stability Questions included how often they thought their relationship was in trouble how often they thought of ending the relationship and how often they had broken up and got back together Individuals were categorised as having Early sex before dating or less than one month after they started dating Late sex between one month and two years of dating and those who waited until after they were married Online love Dr Velaskar feels that the dating habits of youngsters depend on levels of affluence especially in metros as the opportunities to meet the opposite sex are considered far greater Online dating sites and dating reality shows have also redefined the prevalent dating culture and societal norms quotThey instigate a lifestyle that is not very natural The shows make a public mockery of dating and show nothing positivequot says Dr Tank Dr Kothari agrees saying that quotTV shows promote titillation not knowledgequotDr Velaskar however disagrees and says quotNot too many youngsters take these shows seriouslyquot Connections count Ultimately however the strength of a marriage can not hinge solely on sex according to Dr Velaskar He says quotRelationships can39t only be sustained by sexual intimacy Sharing caring commitment and responsibility are also importantquot How long should you wait to have sex Experts believe that one should ideally wait a few months to get to know each other before getting intimate quotSex increases intimacy in a relationship Either the relationship becomes stronger or it disintegratesquot says psychiatrist Parul Tank She advises caution as girls especially feel the pressure of staying on in a relationship once they have had sex with their partners regardless of compatibility quotYou should give it a little time and mull over whether you wish to take the relationship forward There is no harm in waiting for some timequot adds Dr Tank