Should you mind the age gap? Experts decode the answer

Emmanuel Macron right and wife Brigitte Trogneux acknowledge the audience at an event in Paris in April PicAFPShes been called a Menopausal Barbie and Frances First Grandmother hes been passed off as gay as its inconceivable for many how a straight 39yearold Emmanuel Macron would be married to 64yearold Brigitte Trogneux In a different continent another president is 24 years older than his wife Melania but critics are yet to look past Donald Trumps mop of blondeorange hair and logicdefying views WhyAge does matterhellip for womenWe are still very ageist as a society all over the world While an older woman is called a cougar there is no such term for an older man says Shrishti Arya producer of romance TV series Kehta Hai Dil Jee Le Zara 2014 in which Sangeeta Ghoshs Saanchi was seven years older than Ruslaan Mumtazs Dhruv and that formed the main conflict Eventually the couple not only married but also became happy parents Of course as per desi heroine prerequisites Saanchi while refreshingly cheerful and mature was painted in pure white strokes of a physically and morally beautiful beti unmarried at 34 mainly due to familial responsibilities Trogneux on the other hand was married when she first met the 15yearold Macron at the age of 40 Easier to blame herAgeism also comes from our conditioning according to clinical psychologist and cognitive behaviour therapist Laura Vaz In earlier times it was pragmatic for the man to be older since he was the breadwinner and the woman was second fiddle She needed an older spouse to look up to That has changed with women demanding dignity for their roles as homemakers and fighting for equal rights at workhellip but the cultural belief has stuck she saysThe Graduate created a social revolution in cinema in the late 1960sThe cougar on celluloidPopular culture doesnt make things easier Starting from the ageing actress obsessed with a younger opportunistic man in Sunset Boulevard 1950 to the iconic seductress Mrs Robinson who lures the apparently hapless Ben in The Graduate 1967 to our own BA Pass 2012 with its poster featuring the muchmarried heroine sporting a bra and horrors smoking while a teenage boy lounges in her bed mdash the older woman is usually seen as a sexual predator As clinical psychotherapist Alaokika Bharwani puts it If the man is over 10 years younger its assumed that it must be a sexual relationship Companionship is never taken into account and its sad because no one speaks of her desperation for an emotional connect Vaz talks of how this narrow mindset leads to assumptions around the relationship Thats how stories get created that something must be wrong with the man maybe hes looking for a mother figure or perhaps she pays his bills she saysWhat does she wantBharwani gives a more realistic idea of what an older woman possibly seeks in her relationships A woman above 40 is mostly financially stable and doesnt need a man to provide for her Shes perhaps been married has children and is emotionally mature She mostly wants companionship to feel invigorated which doesnt come her way from men her age So she enjoys the playfulness of a younger man she says As for the younger man being with an older woman is often relieving since she is past the age of unreal romantic expectations and doesnt want him to complete her He can be himselfAlaokika BharwaniBut relationships are difficult to sustain especially if the age difference is between his 20s and her 30s As Vaz points out from the cases she has dealt with usually in a MayDecember relationship it is the man who leaves and the woman ends up feeling hurt and used Vaz adds that there could be an element of unpleasantness peculiar to this sort of relationship If the man isnt as financially stable and she sort of takes care of him the woman seldom has a problem but the man could feel emasculated says Bharwani adding that the biggest undoing for such couples is judgementVaz cites the example of a couple where the woman was 64 years while the man was 31 In therapy she made it clear that they had to decide if they were in it for the long haul He was as old as her son and people would look down on them isolate them and yet not leave them in peace I said this was what they were getting into My sessions would help them get stronger but they had to know that the dice would be stacked against them Despite being in love the couple broke upMeanwhile since their coming out as a MaywedsDecember couple the Macrons have faced criticism headon that he was elected as President is also a positive sign Back home too Vaz and Bharwani feel millennials are less judgemental and accepting of such relationships without going into debunked Freudian explanations Both feel that we are becoming a more civilised societyHeres to love and companionship for older women without the unfair labels Or maybe create a male counterpart Trump effect anyone