Relationships: The famous 7-year-itch has progressed to 10

Is 10 the number thenThe 10yearperiod is not a fixed number on which every marriage begins to appear jaded It depends on many factors If we purchase a new house and enjoy its interiors and take comfort in the house it feels great for a couple of years After lets say a period of five years we may have to go refurbishing the upholstery do up the wall paint and change the furniture in order to keep pace with the times At that point of time what we try to do is avail the better options we have to make our lives more comfortable This is done with no hesitation whatsoever while admitting the need for a renovation and in fact is considered a status symbolWhile it is okay to do so for an external space we ignore the need to attend to our inner world of marriage and relationships Mostly there is gross lack of communication between the couple in almost 90 of cases They do not even feel sensitive towards this vital need which binds a relationship And to most peoples disbelief communication skills do need to be learnt updated and enhanced constantly Before marriage you know your spouse as a 20yearold but now 10 years later you need to know the person at the age of 30Dr Rajiv AnandMost partners tend to take each other for granted and do not keep pace with the changing parameters of age moods physical and emotional needs They believe that being married is enough of an indicator of their happiness which is far from the truthInformation courtesy Dr Rajiv Anand relationship and sex counsellorIts all about the situationConflicts in a married life happen at all ages Those in the first few years of marriage without kids face stress due to shared work responsibilities The period before marriage usually qualifies as the romantic period Postmarriage however these dual lives come to an end and you start sharing responsibilities and build lives together be it by handling the relatives or paying mortgages etcThe next hurdle is seen after two to five years post having a baby or even when ones children turn 15 or 16 years old this varies from woman to woman This also depends on the role the woman plays in the family and the relationship mdash is it a dualincome family is she a housewife is she an entrepreneur During the first few years one is involved as a mother it is only later when a woman starts questioning her identity Not all women today are okay with being just a wife and a mother as they have invested a lot in their education and need a fullfledged career The stop to all of this post motherhood also affects the relationship Men see their wives going through this crisis and want to support them which adds to the tension between the coupleDr Ameeta Sanghavi ShahMen face equal amounts of pressure especially with the income expectations going higher to support a certain kind of lifestyle Due to these factors one cant define whether it is a sevenyear or a 10yearitchThe solution to this lies in the conversation between the couple while it being situational too Situations such as whether you have a good workforce to take care of your kids when you go back home as offices dont have mechanisms to support their employees In case one has hisher parents staying close by or inlaws who can help with the raising of the kids things become easier One has to be calm and nonjudgmental in the approach A certain level of compromise from both the sides is essential to managing the conflicts The stress does not depend on how soon or late you marry We often suggest the couple to take a creative approach to the situation Through this one can look at a possibility of being able to divide your time well The key is in finding the right output to ones potentialInformation courtesy Ameeta Sanghavi Shah Mind life relationship coachA knotty problem is itI had my first and only child after three years of marriage and had to quit my job for it as I didnt plan to get back to work immediately The first few months were easy as all the energy was devoted in taking care of my son with the help of my mother It was one year later that the urge to get back to work started coming to my mind as I believe in financial independence Fortunately my motherinlaw was supportive and I could leave my son home for a fulltime job But this left very little time to us as a couple as our free time would now be devoted to family outings We try and compensate it by going on one vacation together every year just the two of us Working has boosted my morale Sometimes differences do crop up as most of the household responsibilities are taken care of by my motherinlaw However my husband is a fair judge in this and that helps solve problems mdash Sana Khan 37 Finance professional completed 9 years of marriageI dont agree to the 10yearitch notion If you live with someone for 10 years you get used to that person and cant imagine life without himher However in case you have drifted apart in the course of time you hit a low point when things go bad It can be any time mdash two or 20 years I felt the challenges in the initial phases of marriage I realised we are two strong and different individuals It was only due to common principles and respect for each other that we have got through these 13 years During courtship we appear to be more acceptable but in reality we want to be who we are Once we accepted each other we did good There were times when I didnt do things I enjoyed anymore as I felt shackled But I didnt feel like cheating because I am sure with another person things would have been the same It was either living alone and battling the loneliness or staying within the comfort of my family I am not complaining mdash Poulomi Chowdhury 40 Communications professional completed 12 years of marriageI dont believe in the 10yearitch though we will complete nine years midnext year For me its just getting better and better Though I think the itch is getting shorter and shorter as couples who have been married for only two to three years are getting divorced Yesterday a friend dropped by to say that seven of his male acquaintances have gotten divorced My marriage is getting better due to my husbands understanding nature For instance I love cooking but my husband told me Its great that you have it as a hobby and you should keep it as one but not get burdened by cooking meals daily Such support has made the passing years better for me One needs to talk to each other spend time and of course household chores need to be divided equally People say that marriages wont exist in the coming years but I dont think so The truth in marriage still exists mdash Harshita Patil 36 Marketing professional completed 8 years of marriage