Grandparents.com conducted some research to find out exactly what upsets daughters-in-law the most. The website believe that knowing the problem can help you fix it, the Huffington post reported. The first mistake a mother-in-law makes, according to Grandparents.com, is when she visit her daughter-in-law unannounced. By far, this complaint is the most universal, said Terry Orbuch, Ph.D., a psychologist and research professor at the University of Michigan who has been the lead researcher on a National Institutes of Health study of marriage and divorce, following hundreds of couples for more than 26 years. &quot;Daughters-in-law need autonomy, they need independence, and when you come by unannounced, you undermine that,&quot; she said. And it&rsquo;s not just the inconvenience of the visit, but it&rsquo;s the presumptuousness of it, agrees Terry Apter, author of &quot;What Do You Want From Me? Learning to Get Along With In-Laws.&quot; <img alt="Sex and relationships, Things about mothers-in-law that annoy daughters-in-law" src="http://images.mid-day.com/2013/mar/mother-in-law.jpg" style="width: 500px; height: 361px;" /> Representational picture &quot;It&rsquo;s a lack of regard for the younger woman&rsquo;s power and control of the family space,&quot; said Apter. &quot;Avoid it and apologize when you do it,&quot; she added. To make it better, simply tell your daughter-in-law ahead of time that you would love to visit, Orbuch suggested. &ldquo;Then say, &lsquo;When is best for you?&rsquo; We all want control, and by doing this, you are offering it to your daughter-in-law,&rdquo; she said. The second mistake is mothers-in-law want their daughters-in-law to call her mom. This is not a big issue, but for some women find it very hard. &quot;I have heard this from many women who say, &lsquo;What am I supposed to do? I already have a mom,&rsquo;&quot; said Orbach who is also the author of &quot;Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship.&quot; It sets up this unrealistic situation where you are asking your daughter-in-law to be as close to you as she is to her own mother, she stated. According to Orbach, her research showed that if a mother-in-law could say, &lsquo;I think you&rsquo;re great. I&rsquo;m so happy that you make my son happy. I&rsquo;m here for you to support you if you ever need me. Whatever you feel comfortable calling me, I will answer to,&rsquo; it would go a long way with daughters-in-law. Mistake number 3: when mothers-in-law give advice daughters-in-law didn&rsquo;t ask for. No one likes unsolicited advice. To a daughter-in-law, it seems like criticism, Apter said. Even if the advice comes from a place of love, it may be heard as threatening the daughter-in-law&rsquo;s authority and challenging her role as a mom and chief caretaker in her family, said Apter. So avoid saying so, but if you can&rsquo;t control your tongue, try this: &quot;I think you&rsquo;re a wonderful mother/cook/housekeeper/person. You are so much more patient/adventurous/together than I ever was, but I&rsquo;m just curious to learn more about your philosophy on x.&quot; Let your daughter-in-law answer, and if it seems that she&rsquo;s open to discussion, continue to talk. But if she seems offended, you&rsquo;re back to biting that tongue, suggested Apter. The next mistake mothers-in-law make is when they criticize her grandchildren. Grandparents are supposed to speak good things for their grandchild, Apter said. But if they&rsquo;re saying, &lsquo;She&rsquo;s messy,&rsquo; &lsquo;She&rsquo;s impulsive,&rsquo; &lsquo;She&rsquo;s inconsiderate,&rsquo; then their daughter-in-law will certainly hear it as a criticism of her parenting, she said. Orbuch agreed, &quot;There will be differences in how your daughter-in-law raises her children versus how you did it. You have to recognize this. Lots of things are said from a place of love but are still deeply insulting.&quot; Its better to focus on the things you appreciate in your grandkids, she said. Another mistake mothers-in-law can make is when she talk to her son about his wife. Complaining to your son about his wife puts him in a very difficult position, Apter said. If you have felt that your daughter-in-law has locked you out of her life--or the life of your grandchildren--then it&rsquo;s best to approach her directly. To solve this problem, Apter suggests using statements that begin with &quot;I,&quot; say things like, &lsquo;I feel left out,&rsquo; or &lsquo;I feel I&rsquo;d like to see the children more frequently.&rsquo; She asked mothers-in-law to avoid &quot;you&quot; statements like, &lsquo;You&rsquo;re leaving me out.&rsquo; Or &lsquo;You&rsquo;re keeping my grandchildren from me.&rsquo; Then ask, &quot;What can we do to make this better?&quot; u00a0

The relationship between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be prone to hurt feelings and power struggles

Things about mothers-in-law that annoy daughters-in-law

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