Exploring concealed realities of intimate partner violence in queer relationships

Conversations surrounding Intimate Partner Violence or IPV are often hushhush and talk surrounding IPV among queer persons is far and few in betweenAccording to a 2016 study by the Humsafar Trust found 47 per cent of queer women and 29 per cent queer men reported to be experiencing IPV in their lifetimePresently any form of violencersquos representation is largely that of a female victim and a male aggressor says Ashish Srivastava an IT professional from Mumbai who is a part of the queer community when quizzed about intimate partner violence among queer couplesPearl Daruwalla a queer activist and DEI specialist adds ldquoSadly intimate partner violence is a solid reality whether its in straight or queer couples And the major cause of that is patriarchyrdquoldquoThe whole notion about whos a man whos a woman in a relationship whos supposed to be submissive whos supposed to be the dominant partnerrdquo he says this thought pattern is one of the attributes of IPV among queer couplesHe also points out that IPVrsquos manifestation is not always physical especially among queer individuals ldquoA lot of times its also emotional especially with queer womenrdquo he addsSrivastava meanwhile notes that violence in an intimate relationship could stem from inequalityndashboth emotional and intellectual or even in terms of openness of their sexuality and gender identityWhat is Intimate Partner ViolenceAny behaviour that hurts a persons partner physically psychologically sexually or emotionally and financially in an intimate relationship is referred to as Intimate Partner Violence IPV IPV is a grave concern within relationships that affect persons irrespective of their gender identity and sexual orientation however within the queer community individuals often encounter unique challenges due to societal stigma discrimination and lack of understanding Perpetrators could use ones sexual orientation or gender identity to manipulate control or isolate themForms of IPVPhysical abuse This includes acts of physical harm such as hitting punching or physical restraint which can occur irrespective of gender within a relationshipEmotional abuse Verbal threats humiliation or emotional manipulation can deeply impact the mental wellbeing of queer individualsSexual abuse Coercion or nonconsensual sexual acts are forms of IPV that may occur within intimate relationshipsFinancial abuse Controlling finances or withholding resources can limit an individuals autonomy and independenceAcceptance of queer relationships importantHarish Iyer a queer activist based in Mumbai points out Queer persons lives are generally clouded with layers of queerphobia islamophobia casteism misogyny etc This affects familial dynamics While for heterosexual couples there is an intervention from family he elaborates that it is not the case with queer personsMany queer individuals face violence in their natal families due to their sexuality and gender identity They leave that behind to make home with a person they love and when they face violence there as well where should they go Where do you go when you have no home he questionsSrivastava emphasises that people keep going back to their abusers before they finally give up and itrsquos prevalent among queer individuals as well He says it happens because lovebombing ensues the abuse clouding the survivorsrsquo judgement ldquoIt almost gaslights themrdquo he saysldquoThis happened with a couple I am acquainted with Things were rough between them and abuse had played out One had hit the other and soon after followed the barrage of apologies and the onus shifted from aggressor to the receiver of the abuserdquo he elucidatesSpeaking further he adds that in queer relationships it is difficult for a person to speak about IPV since a person may have not come out of the closetDaruwalla echoing similar thoughts opines that many are afraid to go and report cases of IPV for they are scared of police outing them They are scared to visit communitybased organisations as well since they have a fear of being outed to family or relatives who do not know about their gender or sexual identityldquoWe dont understand the reality when someone comes and tells us about the intimate partner violence they are facing our first reaction to it is what have you done Especially if its a queer woman or a trans woman who comes to you saying thatrdquo she addsDo queers have legal recourseIyer adds that for queer individuals facing intimate partner violence there is no legal recourse they can opt for The activist says that intimate partner violence is not seen or understood in terms of queer persons He says that a fight between a queer couple will be viewed as an ordinary fight between two individuals and the nuance to handle IPV cases involving individuals from the community is lackingHe adds that although sexual violence among queer persons could be dealt with under Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code its a route not many take because tis ridiculed by the public and law enforcement personnel I have witnessed this in other cities where complaints by queer persons are not taken seriously And the number of persons who report violence is less too he said adding that the Mumbai Police relatively takes complaints of violence including sexual violence seriouslyHe adds that there is no legal recourse except for relying on friends and chosen familyHow can we support queer personsPearl when quizzed about how queer persons facing IPV can be supported says it is crucial to listen to the aggrieved persons and understand what kind of help they need instead of imposing generic solutions He says that even while connecting the survivors with healthcare professionals it is crucial to check if they are queeraffirmative and can provide the necessary careldquoUnderstanding confidentiality being empathetic with them providing them with the resources that they need to move ahead and to seek justice is what we need to impart in each otherrdquo Daruwalla addsConcurrently Harish Iyer says that queer persons who have experienced IPV are first counselled He says there are resource persons like him and organisations like Naz Foundation and Humsafar Trust that offer help to queer personsOn some occasions my mother has opened the doors of her home and heart for queer persons who have nowhere to go but it is not sustainable in the long term There is a need for sustainable housing and work opportunities There are not enough staterun safe and sustainable homes for queer individuals The states Garima Gruha project is a good initiative but severely underfunded State homes can offer shelter to queer persons and they can be given parttime work The government has to step in he stressesPearl further adds that the governmentrsquos involvement in recognising and accommodating varied gender identities and sexualities is critical ldquoIt starts with acknowledging that the spectrum extends beyond the old binary classifications of male and female which are still used in many legislations todayrdquo the activist addsDaruwalla elucidates ldquoThe legal penalties for sexual assault are a stark example while the penalty for a cisgender woman being raped ranges from 10 years to life in prison the Trans Protection Rights Bill mandates a significantly lower penalty of six months to two years for a trans individual facing similar circumstancesrdquoSuch differences highlight the need for a better governmental response Initiatives incorporating safer places more career possibilities and the normalisation of conversations about LGBTQIA relationships and interpersonal abuse are critical first stepsThe state should establish dedicated grievance cells managed by members of the queer community it could considerably improve support networks and societal understanding she adds