Wicket cricket and all that runway rumpus

The United Nations UN has earmarked today Friday March 20 as the International Day of Happiness So just for today in the hope of a chuckle or two it is time to be ohsoflippant so very ridiculous crazily ludicrous even a little bit inane or insane if you want to call itSo who can blame you dear reader if you hope this newspaper turned into a fat baton so that you could beat the living daylights out of the person who wrote this Ouch But wethinks the UN has said the time is ripe for some tripe So this columnist is once again truly and deeply wonderingKnot too soon huhgtgt Whether one cab sings to another in a lovesick voice tariff karoon mein uski jisne tumhe banayagtgt Whether one tie tells another what do you think isnrsquot it time to tie the knot nowgtgt Whether fairy tales about cricket pitches always feature a wicket stepmothergtgt Whether our new electronic doors in trains say well wersquore some sensored stuff you knowTrying for the Indian cricket teamgtgt Whether a stamp tells an envelope loftily of course lsquohey people continue to lick my backside you knowrsquogtgt Whether pigs wonder whether they should have their very own porking lots in the citygtgt Whether a clock tells another not to be an alarmist gtgt Whether a cricket commentator who knows his Shakespeare would say in this World Cup lsquobeware the wides of MarchrsquoLetrsquos talk about ex babygtgt Why pressure cookers are allowed to get away with so many ceetees at womengtgt Whether Mumbaikars need a visa to visit the SoBo restaurant Burma Burmagtgt Whether two eggs can sign a Memorandum of andastandingPlay it again pianogtgt Whether hens enrolled in an MA course for literature say they prefer poultry to prosegtgt Why real estate prices in Mumbai never need alcohol to become highgtgt Why a piano does not use a pick up line like lsquoyou hold the keys to my heartrsquoThats my businessgtgt Whether one tree at Goregaonrsquos Aarey Milk Colony tells another lsquoWell my ex is simply histree now you know rsquogtgt Whether a thermometer will start crooning huskily to a patient lsquoFever you give me fever when you hold me tightrsquogtgt Whether a thief caught by the police says dramatically aakhir hum aapke hai conSo I stick aroundgtgt Whether Mumbairsquos beggars will start insisting on being paid by cheque very soongtgt Why a glass of cold milk acts like such a cool doodhgtgt Whether you realise that in old Hindi movies separated brothers were reunited through songs like in lsquoYaadon ki Baaratrsquo today they may simply scream at each other lsquoHey found you on Facebook broRunways are routinegtgt Whether falling for the Statue of Liberty is all about unrequited love because after all she is holding a torch for somebody elsegtgt Whether an aircraft wonders what all the excitement is about the ongoing Fashion Week after all it goes down the runway everyday Celebrities do not sit in the front row to watch and press photographers do not wait for a wardrobe malfunctiongtgt Why spectacles in opticians stores do not consult a lawyer do you think they can afford Ram Jethmalani since they are always being framed gtgt Whether a cow tells another yeh joh moohobbat hain yeh unka hai kaamgtgt Whether a muscular Arab ruler is a protein Sheikhgtgt Why weep if your maid leaves the job after all one should let baigones be baigonesgtgt Whether a computer mouse asks another rakishly lsquohey your mousepad or minersquogtgt Why bother about a broken pencil It is quite pointless anywaygtgt Whether you know that a radiologistrsquos films are always xraytedgtgt Whether a criminal bee in a holdup pushes a gun into anotherrsquos back and says in an ominous voice lsquoyour honey or your lifersquogtgt Why a maths teacher cannot be arrested for telling her class to go forth and multiplygtgt Whether a fish at Mumbais Taraporevala Aquarium sings to another hum gill de chuke sanamgtgt Whether a carpenter has no choice but to hit the nail on the headgtgt Whether a clothesline needs to be taken down a few pegsgtgt Why a bottle of hair colour is naturally dyebolicalgtgt What Mumbais traffic cops think about songs like tere liye hi signal todtaad ke aaya dilliwaali girlfriendgtgt Whether a tube of toothpaste says well I am a pet squeezegtgt Whether one bean bag tells another tere beana bhi kya jeenagtgt Why The Kerala Banana Wafers Association does not adopt this anthem Akele hain toh kya gham haingtgt Why a mango does not make it to the Indian World Cup cricket team as a lethal deceptive left aam spinnerWhy even after warnings are you reading this tripe anyway