Pakistan’s arrest of Kulbhushan Jadhav and calling him an Indian spy made one thing clear: our neighbour has P-envy. You know: the thing Freud spoke of. Of course, it makes no anatomical sense that Bharat Mata should have something to occasion P-envy. Also, there is much for Pakistan to be proud of. Like its nuclear stockpile, which the US-based Arms Control Association in 2015 estimated at 120 warheads — exactly the same as India’s (though President Barack Obama at the Nuclear Security Summit on Friday did say it was Pakistan’s “mini-nukes”, ha ha, that could fall into terrorist hands). Or the women’s cricket team, which beat ours in the recent World T20 tournament. There are Pakistani television serials, to which the uberpatriotic TV broadcaster Zee has devoted an entire channel. And then there’s Pakistani literary fiction, which is superior to our boring and masturbatory literary fiction. No wonder our prime minister, Narendra Modi, doesn’t like reading books.

A still from the Pakistani video that shows arrested man Kulbhushan Yadav, who stands accused of being an Indian spy. Pic/AFP