Guru Tamasoma was in a tearing hurry to implement his pet project, Akhand Bharat. He had a dual strategy to achieve this—Hindu Bharat and Tejomay Bharat (Shining India). “In your modern language, it is like ‘dual-SIM’ strategy,” he explained to Mantriji. “One, you should make Bharat purely Hindu vegetarian and get rid of all non-Hindus, and all those who don’t agree with you. Second, use Arthashastra to make your economy strong, with lots of foreign investment. Bas, once people make money-with jobs or contracts or heh-heh!—they will just shut up and put up with anything. Then Akhand Bharat will rule the world. “Chokas! Jai Shree Krishna!” Mantriji roared, and set about implementing the plan immediately.

Let me make plan clearer, Guruji said. “Bharat is only for Hindus. All secularwallahs we will fry and eat for breakfast with fafda-jalebi. Now look at Teesta Setalvad. She is thinking that Bharat is also for impure, non-Hindu communities, and on top of it, is fighting for justice! How we can build Akhand Bharat, if we waste time with undemocratic things like secularism and justice? She is going on fighting for justice for members of a certain community, who were killed in the 2002 Gujarat riots. Baap re, her organisations Sabrang Trust and Citizens for Justice and Peace have got about 120 convictions of our bhais and behens who are doing holy work for Hindu purity. How can we allow this? Mantriji, we must tie her up so tight in legal knots, and give her tareekh pe tareekh, so that she won’t have any time left to get justice for a certain community. Case par case lagao, FIR lagao, misuse of funds lagao, Foreign Contributions Regulations Act violation lagao, Ford Foundation funding par clearance lagao. Ministry of Home Affairs, CBI, Gujarat Crime Branch—sab ko bolo, usko line pe lana hai.”