Dear Mr Dhoble of the SS...

Mumbai suffered another devastating terror attack last week when men burst into a party filled with unsuspecting people and terrorized them for an entire evening The attackers were so diabolical and well prepared that they didnrsquot even need to use a karaoke machine to do it The only difference this time was that the attackers in question were members of the Mumbai Police What happened was simple A hotel in Juhu threw a party Apparently people quite enjoy this sort of thing parties not Juhu and so they attended said party A few hours into the party a posse of cops showed up took stock of the situation and declared the party lsquoimmoralrsquo which is copspeak for ldquoThese people look like theyrsquore having fun and we should put a swift end to thisrdquo Upon searching people and the premises who needs warrants when you have handlebar moustaches the cops found a cache of drugs including cocaine and MDMA which as everyone knows are illegal and the cornerstone of Fardeen Khanrsquos detox program As a result everyone present was declared to be evil immoral and ldquopossessing the same moral values as Kim JongIl on uppersrdquo I may be paraphrasing on that last one but you get the point Oh so similar ACP Vasant Dhoblersquos Social Service Branch shares its abbreviation SS with the Schutzstaffel the Nazi police which terrorised much of Europe during World War IIu00a0 Irsquom not condoning drugabuse here but the truth of it is that out of a 100 people at a party therersquos maybe two people doing drugs Percentagewise thatrsquos roughly 9387 per cent I doublechecked of your crowd To terrorize an entire party as a result isnrsquot just wrong itrsquos unproductive I worry about the day our police find a cockroach under their desk Theyrsquoll probably use a thermonuclear weapon to kill it More worrying still is the fact that the raid seems to be part of a larger more sinister campaign against partying by forces who donrsquot understand it Ringleader in this case is ACP Vasant Dhoble of the Social Service branch which abbreviates to ldquothe SSrdquo Wasnrsquot there another police force by that name once Irsquom pretty sure there was I recall reading something about them not being nice guys but Irsquom not a history student Vasant Dhoble is an excellent cop with a storied and accomplished career His many glittering accomplishments include beating the staff of a restaurant with a hockey stick Irsquom guessing hersquos not a good tipper being suspended for having a suspect die in his custody and my personal favourite losing important files in a case against Dawood Ibrahim Letrsquos go over that last one again He LOST files on Dawood Ibrahim Lost them Like they were a pair of glasses or virginity Except these glasses offer a clearer picture of only the most dangerous thing to have happened to India since childrenrsquos dance reality shows Whatrsquos frightening about these raids isnrsquot just the dismantling of the cityrsquos nightlife Thatrsquos collateral damage More frightening is the idea that therersquos a growing gulf in understanding between us the people who want to have fun and those in charge of regulating it Therersquos a dangerous sense that those in charge are trying to regulate things without attempting to fully understand whatrsquos going on The simplest evidence of that is the labeling of the Juhu party as a lsquoraversquo When I party I do it to hang out I think what Mr Dhoble sees in his head when he thinks of me partying is me snorting cocaine off a prostitutersquos stomach while drinking a cocktail made of black money and one of the Dawood files he lost This is not me just taking empty swings at the Mumbai Police I love our police force or well I try to love them we all do I salute every cop thatrsquos taken a bullet for us every cop thatrsquos dropped dead of the sheer pressure of the job every cop thatrsquos ever seen and done horrifying things just so we donrsquot have to There isnrsquot one of us that hasnrsquot saluted them for every time they keep this city safe from the five billion things that threaten it But thatrsquos also my point Therersquos five billion real problems to tackle in this city Mr Dhoble A bunch of people at a party isnrsquot one of them You on the other hand are Rohan Joshi is a writer and standup comedian who likes reading films and people who do not use the SMS lingo You can also contact him on wwwfacebookcomtherohanjoshiu00a0