Two weeks ago, I lost my cousin. He was from the Sikh part of my family so the prayer service was a kirtan in the Gurudwara. Unless you are a religious person who takes solace in prayer — and I suppose I am not usually — you can be rather detached from the prayer part on such an occasion, immersed in your own feelings of sadness and loss. This time I also struggled with a different set of feelings, having lost someone who was part of my childhood.