Lindsay Pereira: Long live rubbish, down with logic!

Media persons protest near Bombay House after TOPS goons hired by Tata Sons assaulted photojournalists PicNimesh DaveI think itrsquos great that a news channel was asked to go off the air for a day We deserve only news channels journalists and journalism that show us one side of every story If a news channel shows us something that isnrsquot complimentary of what our government or its ministers are doing the channel is obviously not very patriotic and should be banned In fact it shouldnrsquot be allowed to go back on air until it signs a legal document promising only positive coverage about everything our government is doingI think itrsquos great that journalists are being beaten up in public by goons masquerading as security guards for companies that are now considered respectable but initially managed to raise capital by trading in opium Journalists should be thrashed if they try and capture photographs of managing directors and other important personnel How dare anyone click photos of managers How will these management graduates continue running their companies into the ground with poor decisions if they are hindered every other month by pesky photographers Everyone knows how dangerous these photographs of people in suits walking on the street can beI think itrsquos great that filmmakers are being forced to apologise in public for hiring actors from another country and they should definitely be compelled to pay huge fines for such a crime So what if they are legally allowed to hire anyone they choose to for reasons that make perfect business sense Business sense should be of no importance to us because eveshyryone knows that doing business in our country is simply a matter of bribing the right minister bureaucrat and local goon How dare a filmmaker work with actors of his or her choice Henceforth we should ensure that all film scripts are vetted by ministers of various parties to make sure only wholesome films that avoid references to anything negative about India are released Itrsquos what a great country like North Korea has been doing for decades after all and no one there has been complaining in public so why should we Indians make a fussI think itrsquos great that fireworks are allowed to be bought sold and set off at random with no respect for rules or regulations We should be allowed to smother our children terrify animals and keep senior citizens awake if itrsquos part of our religious celebrations Religion is the only thing that matters after all in a country where human life is cheapI think itrsquos great that we canrsquot eat what we want to in some parts of the country because some people find it offensive At some point we should all have to wear the same kind of clothing too in order to avoid offending the sensibilities of other people We should all be exactly the same Differences in cuisine language culture or religion shouldnrsquot be encouraged because that is the only way we can emerge as a united bland nation That will make India truly incredibleI think itrsquos great that criticism of the government at any form is being dealt with harshly How else will we understand and accept that we should bow down and do everything that is asked of us even if these directions come from people who havenrsquot been to school We should celebrate illiteracy simply because so many of our leaders have pointed out repeatedly that going to school is not all it is cracked up to be We should encourage our children to drop out of school too so they can someday become ministers of ParliamentI think itrsquos great that our countrymen are being murdered with impunity for crimes that arenrsquot really crimes at all They ought to pay with their lives for not following the correct political party or the most popular religious belief Their deaths are their fault aloneI think itrsquos great that we live in a country where millions of cowards use social media platforms to spread their messages of hate ignorance bigotry misogyny and intolerance Without these people how would India continue to maintain its fast growing reputation as a backward country full of corrupt sexually repressed morally bankrupt people We donrsquot need freedom of speech freedom to practice our religions freedom to eat what we want or sleep with whoever we want to These are minor things to give up We should all shut up switch off our television sets stop subscribing to newspapers stop questioning the government and close our eyes Who needs a reality check anywayWhen he isnrsquot ranting about all things Mumbai Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet He tweets lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbagmiddaycom